Last weekend has to be one of the most emotionally draining weekend of the year.
It started with Irene calling me early on Friday morning to let me know that her mom just passed away. I called Tim, Jen, CK and Eugene to arrange to attend the funeral on Friday night. It was a shock seeing my emotionally strong friend trying to hold back her tears and grief as she sat at the table with us. That I had to deal with for most of Friday night and Saturday. I talked to Melvin on Saturday that it was like... her grief was sucking me in. I kept thinking about seeing her pale face on Friday.
The group of us then made arrangements to visit Irene on Sunday afternoon... just to keep her company.
I was about to leave the house when I got a call from my cousin, Glenn.
"Jie... my mom just passed away"
My first response was "You're kidding. Look I'll go for dinner later, I get your point"
"No, Jie. Not kidding. The casket's at Uncle Sam's place..."
I don't quite remember what happened next, but vaguely recall holding onto Mel's mom for support for the next few minutes.
I packed my bags, and took at cab to Uncle Sam's...
My Ama took one look at me, and starting wailing in grief. It was quite bad. Once she started crying, my uncle sam started, affected Aunt Helen's Husband (Uncle Teng)... in turn Glenn took one pain-filled look at me before coming over to lean on me.
Soon after, Uncle Teng had to go downstairs because the funeral services was here to set up the tents..
Ama and Uncle Sam went to bed, while Glenn and I sank into the sofa to talk.
Aunt Helen had liver cancer. And she didn't want anyone to know. So much so that even Glenn didn't know.
All this time.. I thought she was only taking a long time to recover from the Op to remove the tumor in her colon.. so I didnt really think about it. I tried calling her last week.. my uncle teng said she was sleeping.. I didnt think much of it either.
My only complaint is that.... why didn't she say so earlier........
The talking to Glenn helped alot. I think it was good therapy for us. As a result, we held out alot better than Ama and my uncles. We talked about what she would have done if she was given more time. She retired 2 months ago. or was it last month..
I think it's unfair that she was unable to enjoy her retirement.
Her organs had started to fail and she was getting really bad water retention. They have been trying to convince her to head to the doctors for days, but even Glenn got scolded for trying to advise her. By the time she relented, it was too late. Fluid retention had hit her lungs and she couldnt breathe.
Glenn and I agreed that if she had more time, the first thing she would do, would be volunteer work. She's that sort of person. She likes doing volunteer work.
We also agreed that this unexpected turn of events has turned Ama's world upside down. For one, Aunt Helen would come back everyday for lunch. It seems that all her spare time is spent with Ama. During lunch break from work... for dinner after work... Sunday Mahjong games...
And Ama just lost all of that overnight.
Glenn was saying he used to ask his mom's opinion about clothes, education, BGR and other issues. These things he doesnt talk to his dad about..
The situation at Uncle Sam's place was just too depressing. Glenn and I escaped downstairs to where my Aunt's coffin was. It's very pretty by the way.. the set up. There were light blue and translucent white curtains.. lots of white, palepink and a touch of red roses. It looked more like a wedding than a funeral. The flowers weren't in wreaths, but several nice floral arrangements placed near the coffin. Glenn and I both agreed. Aunt Helen would have loved this. The smell of fresh roses... the soothing colors.. sure alot better than those chingching chinese funerals.
She would have loved it.
I couldn't wake up this morning in time for work cos Glenn and I stayed up till wee hours in the morning at the tent set-up. Then I woke up at about 10am to the sound of Ama's cries of grief.
I chose the easy way out then. I got dressed - and came to the office to look for something to do.
I'm going to miss calling her and talking to her during lunch. I'm going to miss lunch on Sundays. Most of all, I'm going to miss my favourite, most doting Aunt Helen.
She died on 9 Sept 07 (I'm sure she would have prefered 9 Sept 09.. nice number!).
This was taken 2 months ago. She was 59.
