6dp3dt

All my 'symptoms' have disappeared.

I had some painful cramps last night. Then this morning, nothing. No cramps, no sore boobs, no bloatedness.

I couldn't help myself and pee-ed on a stick again.

Nothing.

A stark white nothing.

Of course, intellectually I know there is supposed to be nothing because it is waaaay to early for HCG to be detected. Yet, a part of me was hoping that by this time, my two embryos would have attached themselves like alien parasites and HCG is running rampant through my body. So yea, I'm not entirely unaffected by the BFN.

Ever since the symptoms started going away, there's like a tickle of uncertainty at the back of my mind that this isn't going to work. OK, more than a tickle. More like a 'OMG THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK. MY EMBRYOS ARE DEEEEAAAAADDDDD"

I think the next few days is going to be rough. Can predict lots of tears, snots and calls to Melvin with me crying about dead embryos.

Sigh.

I'm losing my mind.

4dp3dt

I didn't blog yesterday because there was nothing to blog about...
Then again, there doesn't seem to be anything to blog about today either.

I have no symptoms at all, other than huge and swollen boobs. I think they grew by a cup size...

The trigger is still in my system and I'm waiting for it to go away. I've been peeing on sticks since 2dp3dt because I want to see the progression of trigger leaving my system. It hasn't disappeared yet, which is really frustrating because when I did IUI the last time, trigger went away by 7dpo. It is now considered 7dpo, yes?

Oh well, I'll try again tomorrow. It should go away by then so I can anticipate a true BFP by Sunday. Fingers crossed!

2dp3dt

It is now officially 2 days past the 3 day transfer. Bed rest is driving me crazy. As I type this on my phone, I'm seated on the sofa, trying to watch TV.

I don't feel tired. In fact, I'm feeling quite energetic today! My bloat has disappeared, though my boobs still hurt. Progesterone has that effect on me. Sore boobs.

I was a bit worried because I was spotting last night. It was just a bit of light brown. So I called the clinic and was told that I should just rest more. I'm still worried though, because I have abit of brown cm.

I felt the need to get up and do something. So I went to make red date and longan tea. Except I forgot about it while watching TV and had to jump from the couch and run to the kitchen to turn off the stove. Umm. Then I remembered I'm supposed to stay as inert as possible. Bah.

Thing is, I don't feel pregnant. I know I should be very careful, take it easy and all. But I'm bored..
In fact, I'm half convinced I have already lost the embryos because of last night's spotting. It's just that so many things have happened.. Things that I don't blog about... Have me convinced that this wouldn't work. From the weird protocol the clinic has me on, to all the reports on how a vast number of embryos stop developing at day 4 (1dp3dt) I'm still hoping it'll all work out. But I can't bring myself to really believe that this will work. Maybe I'm just afraid of the disappointment. Like I said before, I don't know what I'll do if this doesn't work.

1dp3dt

Finally did the embryo transfer yesterday morning. 

Previously, they mentioned that we had 6 fertilised eggs. Seems that one caught up and we had 7 on Sunday morning. :)

But only 3 were good quality ones.

We had one 8-cell embryo, one 7-cell and one 6-cell. All were grade 2. The rest had quite abit of fragmentation so the embryologist suggested that we discard them (Noooo, my embies!)

We transferred 2 embryos and decided to freeze the 6-cell one. I really wanted all three inside me. But our Ministry of Health had set a maximum of 2 embryos for women below the age of 37. They didn't want multiples because it could cause health complications for mother and babies.

I find the transfer more taxing than the retrieval because the embryo transfer required me to have a full bladder. Urgh. Any idea how it feels to need to pee really bad, then have something stuck inside you AND a u/s thing pressing on your bladder? Quite unpleasant. I kept telling Dr Yu and Nurse Xing Li that I was going to pee right there, on the table.

They showed us our embies on the screen, then proceeded to transfer. The entire time I was thinking.. HURRY I'M GOING TO PEE. 

Then transfer was done. Dr Yu was very careful, I think, despite the writhing patient on the table. She showed a tremendous amount of patience... If I were a doctor, I'd be irritated with me as a patient.

I think then they tried to show me the ultrasound and point out where the airbubble (and the embryos) were. Mmm at that point, I stopped caring. Couldn't even focus on the screen.

The minute Dr Yu took those instruments out from me and said the transfer were complete, I jumped off the table. yes, jumped. and ran for the toilet. Caused quite abit of alarm, I think, the frantic rush off the table. Melvin said he hope I didn't drop the embryos even before we left the procedure room. I don't think so though. I mean, regular pregnant ladies still walk around (and they do still need to pee), and they still remained pregnant.

I spent the rest of the day feeling bloated and crampy. I hope the cramping doesn't prevent implantation. Read somewhere that it affects implantation, but can't find that link now.

Keeping my fingers crossed. It's only 1 day past the 3 day transfer (1dp3dt) and I'm starting to obsess.