It pains me to visit grandma.

She started going for radiotherapy last Friday and would need to do so every day for the next 5 - 10 days. Depending on how well she responds to the radiotherapy, it may give her up to three more months.

The doctor didn't recommend/encourage the radiotherapy at first because it will cause her alot of discomfort. And she may get confused/blur.. plus at her age, you really cannot tell how she'll respond to the treatment. Cost vs Benefit, I guess. For all that, they can only give her a few weeks more at best. Worst case scenerio, is that the treatment will make her worse because she is already so weak.

I guess she wanted it badly enough for the doctor to give the go ahead. Maybe it gives her the small hope that she'll make it for my ROM - something for her to look forward to.
I can only hope she'll be comfortable and alert on that day. If she passes like the day before our solemnisation, or (choy!) on the day itself, I really don't know how we can carry on. Just cross my fingers and hope, I guess.

She's visibly weaker everytime I visit her. And just that bit more yellow. In fact, kinda orange..
And she's lost so much weight. Lianne would remember - my grandma's kinda chubby :P Positively round, even. Now.. she's.. kinda... well.. not skeletal... shrunken, I guess. She kinda shrunk. It's like she dropped 15 - 20kg or something.

On another note, everytime I go visit her, I get a little something. A gold bracelet here, jade pendant there.. Everytime she tries to give me something, I'm tempted to say 'No, you keep it. Wear it when you get better.' But I know she won't get better, and she knows as well. So I say 'thank you' and wear it.

Then I'd go home and think that I don't want all these things. I don't want her money. I don't want her jewellery. I just want her alive, well and happy.