Quite naturally, I looked at his call history. And saw a number that he's been calling regularly every few days or so, particularly during lunch.
I had this sinking feeling, but figured there has to be a logical explanation, so I googled the number. Ah, he's been calling Citibank.
Sigh. He must have forgotten to pay his credit card bill AGAIN.
Then I spent the rest of the night feeling miserable.
No, it isn't because he forgot to pay the bill. It's just.. I hate the feeling. You must understand that I thought he would never lie to me. I thought that our love/relationship/marriage was real and based on trust. Then to find out all the lies he's told for six whole months. To find out there was someone else in his life. It's like.. how do I trust him again? I find myself trying to analyse everything he tells me. Is he telling the truth? How can I tell if he is lying to me? What if he wasn't where he said he was? Who did he talk to during lunch? Did he call anyone to chat on the way home? I have those doubts every single day... and it's tiring.
I don't understand those people who cheat. I mean, if you are THAT unhappy in your marriage, for fuck's sake, try to fix it, or get a divorce. Don't do the whole spineless, deceitful cheating thing and cheapen your marriage.
I am not unhappy. But.. neither am I happy. I would be happier if we signed the divorce papers, but he's convinced me to give things a try so that's what I'm doing. I refuse to wear the wedding ring though. Symbol of our love, my ass. If the ring wasn't pricey, I would have already tossed it/shoved it up his skinny ass.