I haven't posted in awhile simply because I haven't had time to myself, much less time to sit down and think about things.
It's been a crazy first week of the term and we haven't had time to 'deal with things', so to speak.
He has been trying to fix things.
We headed out for a nice breakfast yesterday. Something we haven't been doing due to our busy schedules. Plus Sunday mornings normally means gym time for the both of us.
Anyway, we had a talk. I guess.
GAH.
It's so difficult to even talk about this now. I spend most days not even wanting to get out of bed. I'm doing the things I feel I must do. I must wake up. I must head to school/work. I must do this at work, or that. But at the edge of all the things 'I must do', there is a feeling of general 'meh'.
I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to sleep and wake up a few years from now and hopefully everything will be OK.
Seems a little dramatic, but it really does feel as if everything has lost its colour.
And when I even have a breath of time to sit down, I want to cry. Sometimes, I do. I only do so when he isn't around.
Four years into the marriage and this shit happens.
How come I didn't know/see that he was unhappy? Yes, he was unhappy. We had a 'talk' and he was unhappy (many reasons. Work.. he can't tell me stuff.. etc)
If he was that unhappy, why are we still married?
Why didn't I see this earlier?
Why the fuck did I marry this idiot? Karma, maybe.
OMG I WANT OUT.