*cries* *curses* damn it. i'm not supposed to be depressed today.. woke up alrite.. but barely 10 mins after i'm online, i start getting depressed. *sigh* oH.. One more thing.. Melvin and i are still.. uh. together. i don't know to say if it's good news or not. not only because there are so many conflicting opinions from you all out there.. but also because i don't really know myself.. i mean.. *sigh* so much has happened and no matter how many promises he makes, no matter how sincere he appears to be, i still can't.. help from feeling absolutely betrayed. Used. worthless. It's gotten really bad.. like when he called me "princess" this morning ( yeah. so i'm spoilt and bossy. big deal.), all i could think of was," right. princess. how many OTHER girls do YOU call PRINCESS?.." *cynical laugh* and we have been quarelling.. well.. not really quarreling.. i suppose it's my fault.. i've been really.. picky. touche. he would say something and i would mutter something really sarcastic and it would carry on for the whole conversation until HE gets irritated. Last nite, he asked why we were fighting more than usual. i don't really have an answer. Part of me has already.. forgiven him. maybe i just need to.. forgive him. the other?.. well. *shrug* make your own conclusions. Sometimes i wonder why i'm hanging on.. like it's so hopeless now.. sometimes i just want to end it all. just tell him it's over. that i can't hang on anymore. but i hesitate, then when i see him again, or when he calls, everything seems fine once more..

I guess the whole deal with rachel is still bugging me. and hell. that happened a whole YEAR ago. i don't want a guy who can't stay emotionally faithful. first it was rachel. fine. i take it as he needed more time to get over her. now THIS. great. now i'm pissed. if he was in front of me, i would brain him with the nearest table lamp. *sigh* just forget it. he says the others dont mean a thing. rite. *rolls eyes* *sigh* why can't i let go... i have to let go.. maybe i just need him to let me go.. then again.. maybe after awhile, i'll get over the whole issue. maybe. i do not know.