It's been years since I've written a post. I suppose I got caught up with life in general. AND I'm quite amazed that I managed to customise this blog to my liking when I was what... 18? Have totally forgotten my html codes... which explains why I can't check off my 'achievements' on the right column.
I DID go to Japan in 2011. AND I went on a cruise with Melvin last year. Granted these are a little overdue, but it feels nice, knowing I have completed things on my old list made about 10 years ago.
I need to update that list with a "Aim to have own family..."
Melvin and I have been trying (on and off) for a child of our own for about... two years now. On and off because every few months, we get tired and start thinking to ourselves that we wouldn't make good parents anyway. Both of us are still quite immature and we can act real childish at times.
*sigh*
Anyways.
Teratozoospermia - oh the resentment
We decided to see a gynae mid last year, just in case, yaknow? And it turns out he has severe teratozoospermia. Meaning, less than 1% of his sperm was normal. We jokingly called them teenage mutant ninja tadpoles. Or monstersperm.
I know his ego is a little bruised, but he knows it's not his fault. Nothing he could have done would have prevented this, I think. I secretly resented him for a few months and it took me awhile to accept that sometimes, things like this just happen. The resentment came from how he Oohs and Aahs over his little nieces and nephews... then his relatives are all like "Oh you two should have one. He loves kids so much."
I was tempted to shout out that it'll happen if his soldiers weren't mutants, and that it wasn't my fault.
It took me a few months to deal with those emotions as well as talk to him about it. I asked about how he felt. He admitted he was concerned and that he felt quite.. what's that word? unmanly.
It was a good talk. I'm glad we sorted things out and agreed that there's nothing we can do but get him to take CoQ10 daily and hope for an improvement.
IUI - waste of time and money
I'm not saying IUI is a waste of time and money. I'm saying IUI was a waste of time and money for us. My aunt had already told us IUI wouldn't work and advised us to head straight for IVF because of the nature of his morphology problem. I sent her a copy of his SA results and she was kind enough to take a look for us. She even called me to give advice (as well as ask for the name of my gynae so she can ask around to see if she's credible..)
I would love to have sought IVF treatment at my aunt's fertility clinic but she's located overseas and I can't travel like this for IVF. Granted I'd get a huge discount cos she'll just charge me for meds.. and I'd probably stay at her place... but I decided against it. Best to get a reputable doc locally.
My gynae recommended that we do 3 medicated IUI cycles then IVF if we weren't successful. I was skeptical and didn't want IUI. The clinic then informed me I needed to wait at least 3 months for IVF anyway (some protocol to follow. Tests... waiting list etc..), so may as well try IUI while waiting.
First IUI was a failure.
Second IUI didn't even happen because I was told my lining was too thin. My regular doctor was away and another doctor attended to me. I asked the clinic if it could have been due to the clomid. She said it couldn't have been. Yet thinning of uterine lining is a well-known side effect of clomid. I don't know if I can trust that stand-in doc. She basically told me that IUI would be a waste. And that if I wanted, they could just give me a trigger shot and we can try naturally at home. Then she went on to say that even if fertilisation took place, implantation is unlikely because the lining is too thin. AND even if implantation took place, the lining wouldn't be lush enough to suppose the embryo.
What a great way to crush my hopes in the clinic. If you are still reading this, it's the SGH CARE clinic.
I held the tears in until I was in the taxi ride home, then proceeded to cry the rest of the afternoon away.
1st IVF Next Cycle
We'll be headed to SGH to sigh the IVF consent this Friday. I'm still hoping and praying that somehow, miraculously, I'll test pregnant this Friday then we won't need to proceed with IVF.
Today, my fertility friend app informed me that I had a triphasic chart beginning CD26. Yay, there is hope. I came home to pee on a stick. Big Fat Negative on DPO 11.
This triphasic chart has given me (false?) hope that maybe, just maybe, I'll see a BFP by Friday.
GAH it's driving me NUTS.
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