If in the morning when you wake,
If the sun does not appear,
I will be here.
If in the dark we lose sight of love,
Hold my hand and have no fear,
I will be here.

I will be here,
When you feel like being quiet,
When you need to speak your mind I will listen.
Through the winning, losing, and trying we'll be together,
And I will be here.
If in the morning when you wake,
If the future is unclear,
I will be here.
As sure as seasons were made for change,
Our lifetimes were made for years,
I will be here. - I Will Be Here by Steven Curtis Chapman


Its been a boring day. can't wait for tomorrow.

exams are finally OVER!!!!

now.. i have to type very slowly coz i just got back from doing my nails *sparkle* Jen and I went for a french manicure and my nails look VERY nice *happy* i only hope they last long enough.. as in.. not scratch or anything.. till like maybe 2 weeks later.. after i'm done showing them off to everyone *bounce* Many thanks to Jenny for the subsidy, *beam* my nails look pretty *gush* And yes alph. Jen said you said it was porn star manicure. *snort* i think its nice though. I really hope it'll last. I've been looking at my nails for the past hour or so. they're so nice now *gush* and i hope they survive the suana coz i'm going to a steambath thingy on sunday morning.. if they spoil during the steambath or something, i'm SO gonna cry.

May be meeting vynnie on monday.. not sure as yet. *pause* i gotta get myself a DIY french manicure kit soon. even though i so suck at applying nail polish.. i gotta try at least.. its SO nice *gush* *pause* right, back to Monday. I may be going to catch a movie with vyn. would be nice.. been some time since i saw him. And i havent seen eugene in AGES. so i gotta arrange something with him too.. and Lianne! we GOTTA arrange something. OH wait. oh bother. i have to head down to science park to uh... look-see look-see coz i'm hoping to find an internship this hols. bother. maybe i'll drag vynnie with me. bah. we'll see.

*beam* i GOTTA show vynnie my nails. maybe i can convince him to get HIS buffed *grin* and Melvin too.. LOL. then again, I have to convince melvin to try waxing *snicker* one thing at a time. Sooner or later i'm gonna convince all my guy friends to go for manicures and spa treatments and stuff like that. *laugh* that WOULD be fantastic. *beam* *prod melvin* how about a facial dear? *hint*

I scored 92¼% on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!

Take the test here!

nicked from Lianne:

FIRSTS
First girl best friend: Calista. In Pri one. she was my best friend but i couldnt stand her. *wrinkles nose* complicated really. Doubt she even remembers me now.
First guy best friend: Eric, from secondary school. He was my best "big brother".
First date: *ponders* Uhhh.. yongjia? wait a sec.. maybe not.. BAH i can't remember.
First break-up: Yongjia. Dumped him in a fit of anger. long story. Let me retain some dignity and not go there.
First self purchased album: Backstreet cd i believe. was it a self titled album?.. i think so.
First funeral: One of my classmate's Father's funeral. I can't remember his name now.. but we were in secondary school. Oooo last time i saw him he was one of those ticket collecters at PS cinema.
First pets: I had.. a pet grasshopper! and turtle things.. terrapins, i think. AND a cat called jumpy who had to go *Cry* ooo and lots and lots of chicks which never did made it big enough to be eaten. thank god.
First piercing/tattoo: Ears. No tattoo. don't like pain much thanks.
First enemy: *ponders* Ting Ting. In primary six. i downright hated her. she's alrite now.
First play/musical/performance: Does Cinderella in primary school count? if it doesn't there always is the multitude of performances in secondary and JC....

CURRENT

Current girl best friend: *shrug*
Current guy best friend: Vyn and Eugene tied.
Current marital status: Attached. Not married. Not engaged. err.. semi-available? *giggle*
Current song playing: Unforgiven 2 - Metallica. Don't ask.
Current thoughts: *sigh* exams.. and little stuff here and there. Why do i always have problems letting go of things.. etc.. think i'm turning into my mom.. etc.
Current taste: Orange juice.
Current emotions: Hurt, confused, contradictory ( why? i dont want to need people. yet i do.), tired, hollow, defeated.
Current status online: i believe Justin just msged me on icq *frown* should i even reply?
Current fav. person: Melvin
Current wonder: Why am i still alive?..
Current instrument played: Eeek... i miss my piano... *cry*
Current need: Someone to be here. always.

LAST

Last cigarette: it makes me inordinately proud to be able to say never. haha.
Last kiss: this afternoon
Last good cry: Last night.
Last movie seen: Hellboy. the movie was really lame. but really sweet.
Last beverage drank: hot chocolate *grin*
Last food consumed: Some.. dessert. Ching erm.. tang? Ching tang? *mumbles*
Last crush: Oh god. erm. Vynnie? *ducks*
Last phone call: Melvin. Called me just to whisper sweet nothings. *gush* *cough* excuse me.

Last tv show watched: Oh dear.. when WAS the last time.. oh WAIT... i watched tv this afternoon! channel news asia i believe. while waiting for Melvin's turn for his x-ray *mutter*
Last time showered: this morning.
Last shoes worn: my ah-lian heels *prod lianne*
Last cd played: You know.. now that you mention it.. i left all my cds at mom's place *wails*
Last item bought: *blink* erm. Dinner? oh wait. Melvin paid for that. Erm. a cookie i believe.
Last annoyance: Alphonsus' nick on msn. it irritated me somehow. got him to change it tho *grin*
Last disappointment: About.. half an hour ago. I dont want to talk about it. Life just dishes shit out to me.
Last ice cream eaten: ABout 5 minutes ago.. cadbury chocolate chip icecream. *happy grin*
Last time wanting to die: this morning?
Last shirt worn: some black top.
Last website visited: Lianne's.

I thought the wave of depression would wash off this morning. It didn't. Excuse my absence from here until it does.

Every once in awhile.. the past comes and haunts me. It comes and leeches my strength away.. makes me wonder why i'm even alive. Then I wonder if things would have worked out differently if i had chosen another path. Death is an empty thing. At times, i'm glad that my many attempts to end my insignificant life have failed, for I would be unable to experience the many joys bestowed upon me. Yet, every once in awhile, it certainly feels as though Death didn't claim me so as to mock me, and let me continue my existence so i may suffer.

The choices I have made. The things I used to do. I wish I could undo, at least some of them.

All day I keep from falling apart
But at night when the sky gets dark

Tears from the moon
Fall down like rain
I reach for you
I reach in vain

Stop, Stop haunting me
It should be easy

Tears from the moon
Fall down like rain
but tears from the moon
can't wash away the pain