Listening to: Funeral Song - The Rasmus

What happens when you realize that you can no longer relate to the ppl or persons that you used to get along so well with?

I know by this point in time, I'm starting to become one of those ppl that whine endlessly about seemingly nothing at all. Yet.. it's a very odd phase in life, I must say. I'm torn in all sorts of directions.

My friends, finding it harder and harder to relate to and talk to you. Our time is taken up by too many other trivial matters. When I talk to my friends, I could be talking to complete strangers for all I know. Just a complete stranger with a familiar face. Perhaps the fault is my own. For I'm too caught up in my fantasy world of games and books. So I can avoid talking to ppl whom I thought I knew well. I do not have any close friends. Not anymore.

My boyfriend, tells me there are stuff that I can think about, but never mention. So I've given up on talking to him. I don't even share my fears and thoughts with him anymore. Don't see the point. Not like he'd understand anyway. I used to tell him whenever I get a passing feeling or thought. None of that foolishness now. No.. no more of that foolishness.

Maybe that's how my mother turned out the way she is. Maybe she just realized that there wasnt really any point to all this social pompishness.

I need to find someone I can talk to. I can REALLY talk to. and who can understand.
I would call eugene. or tim. and get disappointed coz they'd nvr be the person i'm truely looking for. I would try and talk to Melvin and give up after 3 minutes or so. I'd even try to talk to KF, Elaine, Shimin. No. No use. There is still this disatisfaction. This need. This need, that I havent felt in years. Melvin came along and I thought.. I was ok already.. I've finally found someone whom I can really confide in and talk to. Well.. time changes everything. So now, I wonder what I'm supposed to do as the disatisfaction sets in.

My "lol" and "*grin*" and '*laughs*' online.. well.. *shrug* you dont really think i'm laughing or even vaguely smiling, do you?

When will I be happy again?