Listening to: nothing.. my ear is burning

Spent the last 4 hours talking to melvin. 2 on msn.. 2 on the phone. my right ear is burning and sore coz i had the phone pressed to my ear for too long. and my right arm has that pins and needles feeling from holding the phone for too long ( which brings to mind.. how did my chatting stamina fall so bad?.. i mean i used to talk to DAYBREAK and i wouldnt even feel tired. )

We spent the first 2 hours ironing out what happened this morning. or, what i did this morning. You see.. 2 Months back, the subject of him having to find a new place to live cropped up. Melvin was thinking of moving in with Meili. And naturally I objected. I mean which girl would allow her boyfriend to move in with another girl. And he was stupid enough to even consider it and ask me. so that was that. end of issue coz he wasnt going to move in with her after all. And so her dad found her some place to stay on her own, i think. and we were talking about it again after she found a place.. and i was thinking, "compared to preetam, maybe moving in with meili isnt SO bad... " and i told him so. And he daftly took it to mean I was ok with that. And since Meili doesnt like the place her dad got for her.. she is thinking of moving out. And ONCE again.. he had the option of moving in with her. I mean.. here i am thinking, "why are they 2 of them so keen on living together?" I mean you ask once.. fine. just coz i seemed alrite with it for 5 minutes doesnt mean you go "oh that means i can move in with her now?" The minute he said "or i could rent a 2 room apartment with Meili", i logged off without letting him say another word.

And i dont care. It still seems like you WANT to move in with her. why the fuck else would you keep ASKING ME. dont you have anyone else to stay with? doesnt SHE? And even tho it "seemed alrite with me".. i dont know.. *sigh* Dont you get it? you asked once.. i take it that u were daft. You ask the 2nd time.. it's like you really really want to stay with her, ya know.

Put yourself in my shoes. If i keep asking you whether I can hang out with this guy.. it's just gonna mean i WANT to hang out with him. Else why the fuck would i tell you.

And i think you were so intent on picking on the fact that i'm self centered and that i only cared about how I feel to really see the issue here. can you see it from my point of view?

And to tell me that it was because of me? now wtf is that? what makes you think i'd be comfortable with meili anyway? I mean.. i'm alrite hanging out with her.. but staying with her? knowing that you are staying with her? alone? *snorts* I've got nothing against Meili.. really. I think she's a really nice person, i do. but YOU. Nvm. i dont want to say anymore. We're done with that topic. It just seems as though now u're not moving in with her coz i'm kicking up a bitch fuss. and i guess it just hurts that you were considering it in the first place. Can't think of a decent guy who would ask his girlfriend if he could move in with some other girl. I really cannot.

So i was wrong to log on ya. *shrug* technically speaking. EMotionally speaking. i didnt do the wrong thing. coz if you do such a thing agaim, my reaction would be exactly the same.

Now everyone reading my blog is gonna think u're some big jerk. And i suppose that's a bad thing. I dont know. How did the conversation become a "let's point out all the things I have to put up with" and "all of catherine's shortcomings" talk. I'm self-centered. I'm proud. I'm not understanding enough. I'm too impatient. I'm not loving enough. I'm not giving in enough. I dont love you enough. And what?.. should i be grateful "that you love me despite?" And Dont tell me that's not what you meant. Coz those were the exact words you said.

I'm not pissed. I'm hurt. very very hurt. *wails*