exams are finally over.. finally.. *sighs in relief* umm.. thanks to all those to left comments on my last post. i'm sure.. after some time.. i'll finally know what i want.. and my papers were.. bad ( to put it simply).. the last paper was stats.. and well.. i've never been any good at stats. so *shrug*..prolly need like 70% just to pass the damn thing. *mutter* oh well.. whatever.. *cough* lianne. lets NOT go shopping anytime soon. i'm VERY broke. VERY.

and i've got new lyrics up. On the right. Dumb girls by lucy woodward. it's good. highly recommended.

*cries* *curses* damn it. i'm not supposed to be depressed today.. woke up alrite.. but barely 10 mins after i'm online, i start getting depressed. *sigh* oH.. One more thing.. Melvin and i are still.. uh. together. i don't know to say if it's good news or not. not only because there are so many conflicting opinions from you all out there.. but also because i don't really know myself.. i mean.. *sigh* so much has happened and no matter how many promises he makes, no matter how sincere he appears to be, i still can't.. help from feeling absolutely betrayed. Used. worthless. It's gotten really bad.. like when he called me "princess" this morning ( yeah. so i'm spoilt and bossy. big deal.), all i could think of was," right. princess. how many OTHER girls do YOU call PRINCESS?.." *cynical laugh* and we have been quarelling.. well.. not really quarreling.. i suppose it's my fault.. i've been really.. picky. touche. he would say something and i would mutter something really sarcastic and it would carry on for the whole conversation until HE gets irritated. Last nite, he asked why we were fighting more than usual. i don't really have an answer. Part of me has already.. forgiven him. maybe i just need to.. forgive him. the other?.. well. *shrug* make your own conclusions. Sometimes i wonder why i'm hanging on.. like it's so hopeless now.. sometimes i just want to end it all. just tell him it's over. that i can't hang on anymore. but i hesitate, then when i see him again, or when he calls, everything seems fine once more..

I guess the whole deal with rachel is still bugging me. and hell. that happened a whole YEAR ago. i don't want a guy who can't stay emotionally faithful. first it was rachel. fine. i take it as he needed more time to get over her. now THIS. great. now i'm pissed. if he was in front of me, i would brain him with the nearest table lamp. *sigh* just forget it. he says the others dont mean a thing. rite. *rolls eyes* *sigh* why can't i let go... i have to let go.. maybe i just need him to let me go.. then again.. maybe after awhile, i'll get over the whole issue. maybe. i do not know.

i'm only here posting coz lianne commented that it was about time i did. *stares at keyboard* i'm now at Ngee Ann poly library, making use of their services *grin* i'm supposed to study.. but i have not been able to get into the mood to study.. in fact i've lost it all since after the Biodiversity paper on Wednesday. Today's paper was bad.. really bad. the Jap studies one. the bit on Jap history was worth 20 marks. an essay. i wrote half a page. the politics section was worth 14. i wrote just about 5 lines. the more i think about it, the more i want to throw up. *looks miserable* don't think throwing up in the library is a good idea at all so i shall try to control myself here.. Damn.. i feel sick. i REALLY feel like throwing up. *pause* no. i'm not pregnant in case that's what you think.

the last paper is stats. coming wednesday. i'll prolly have this huge urge to kill myself after that paper. then chicken out at the last minute. always happens. i wanna kill myself, then i think of the pain then i chicken out. *mutter* don't even have guts to kill myself. so don't worry. no matter how much i say i wanna die, i won't commit suicide coz i'm too chicken.

i want to cry. but i can't.

Lianne, i know you.. very much disapprove of melvin. hell, if i gave you the go ahead you would prolly call him and give him an earful. *hugs* i know you care lianne. but it's alrite.. really.. it's my choice.. even if i regret it in future, it's still my choice. i'm pretty much wallowing in self-pity and depression right now.. explains why i sound a lil dead on the phone with everyone else.

i just want to curl into a ball, and disappear. but i'm a great big fat ball.. so it's rather hard to do so.. don't ya think? *cynical laughter* it was raining and as i looked out the window, i wanted to cry.. rain does that to me sometimes..

I don't even know what i'm feeling anymore. try dead.numb.empty. And hollow and whatever. It's gonna be a long while before i can bounce back. long long while..

ah well.. it's been a week since i last blogged.. rather surprisingly, quite alot had happened.. it's all unhappy stuff so i shall not go into detail here.. why bore you with insignificant intrinsic details?

my papers started yesterday.. chem was.. well.. it's gonna be better than the rest of my papers and it wasn't fantastic. i screwed up on some questions, but that's expected. philo was.. weird. i'm not sure if i even got half of them right. sure it was an open book exam. but even if i had my notes with me, they would not have been of any use. *cough* i didn't KNOW it was an open book until i went into the exam hall. *blush* silly me.

you know.. ppl come and go.. you meet ppl, some stay, most do not. those who stay, all is well coz you get along.. what happens if one of your most trusted..friends, does something totally unexpected, brainless, hurting and heart shattering?.. and you start to think," hey.. maybe i don't know this person well at all.. maybe this has all been a lie.." and you start to doubt, to suspect, everything that person says and does.. the friendship should be totally over. it should end right there and then. a friend who lies to you is no friend at all. but no.. i pretend there is nothing wrong.. maybe after a while we'll drift apart. it's okay.. it's not the first time.. we'll drift and our lives will go on. And even though we are no longer on the same path, we have others around to depend on. i'll be fine. really.

*whine* they've decided to postphone the exams! why??!!... i want my extra ultra long holidays.. why postphone?.. why?.. *whine whine whine*

*cough* alrite.. now that i've gotten THAT out of my system *grin* time to get a grip and stop whining for the rest of the post. Urgh. i need new shoes.. my poor shoes are coming apart. It is really hard to find a pair of shoes that i'm enthusiastic about coz most of the shoes i see are just.. well.. passable. Lianne says i wear "lian" shoes. *giggle* alrite, guilty as charged. but honestly, most the shoes i see just make a face screw up in disgust. maybe i've been looking in the wrong places. maybe. i'm fussy about shoes. First, they must be white. or tan. or blue. i don't really like any other color on my feet. Second, they must be able to look alrite whether i'm in jeans, or a skirt. Third, they MUST most certainly be heels/platforms of sort so i don't look shorter than i already am. Fourth, no frills and beads and whatever disgusting stuff they sew on shoes to make them look like christmas trees. i'm a plain person. i keep my clothes plain and my shoes plainer. To put in a mean way, i'm a boring person. i like boring clothes and shoes. There IS one pair of shoes i've been eyeing for a year now.. yes. a year. i've never gotten around to buying that pair coz it costs 90 bucks. but hell. i WANT those shoes.

And my BAG is falling apart too. its got a hole in it! *sniffle* i like that bag. anyway, i found a replacement. *sulk* don't really like my new bag. bought it coz it was cheap. as in $2 cheap. i like backpack style bags. the new one is the kind that u sling on one shoulder. and the straps are what.. pvc? urgh. don't know why i bought it. my old bag ( yes, the one with the hole in it) is an adidas. i like adidas. *nods* *sigh* oh well.. will save abit and buy a proper bag soon i think. this cheap one is just a temp thing, till i see a bag i really like.

i'm done with my Biodiversity project. finally. though i cut some off in the phylum coz i can't find the class. not good. coz we were supposed to find the class. but hell. what's the use of the genus if i can't have the class? *mutter* nevermind. the new exam schedule will be out tomorrow. *sighs* i shall hope my exams dont end TOO late.

nothing much has been happening really.. i screwed up utopian and earth accounts so bad, melvin had to step in to *cough* "save my provinces from totally destroyed".. *laugh*

i haven't been doing anything about my stats lately. i mean, i'll still fail, whether i study or not, so i reckon i should just spend time on other not-as-hopeless modules. i received my grade for the Japanese history essay. its a C++. what the hell IS a C++? a B-? what? or is it midway between a B- and a C+? *sulk* Mr Amasaki should just stick to our usual gradings instead of inventing new ones.

there's this really nice show.. on channel i. 5.30pm weekdays. called "shirley and Laverne" it's prolly from the 80s or something like that.. kinda like some old classic comedy series. its really good.. maybe you should take a look when ya have the time..

i prolly should just find something to post about, instead of the boring, insignificant stuff i've been doing.. but honestly, my life is so boring that nothing relatively exciting EVER happens. which explains why my recent posts have been -really- short.

Glenn is back from penang for the week *beams* he's grown.. taller. and lazier *laugh* we spent tuesday playing monopoly with my brother.. *pout* i was the first to go bankrupt. *rolls eyes* so what's new?.. i'm ALWAYS broke anyway. it's not fair really. my brother bought 2 most expensive plots and built HOTELS on them. and i had to land TWICE on the most expensive one. as well as ONCE on the other one. and i had to pay what.. 5K++ for that. ended up selling my hotels and land to pay my brother. and everything just went downhill from there.

i made the two boys do aerobics!! *giggle* there was this aerobics programme on TV and i suggested we try. when they gave me funny looks, i was even MORE determined to get them to try. it was something like a "can't you handle a girly exercise?" *laugh* Glenn made -so- much noise during the stretches. there was this squat thing.. erm.. not really a squat. but legs apart, bent at the knees ( that one which tones your inner thigh?..) yeah. then we had to "bounce" up and down in that position. and glenn started moaning.. *laugh* it was disgusting.. my brother collapsed on the floor in hysterical laughter , yelling," he sounds like he's having sex." *laugh* my brother had a point. glenn was going," *moan* my legs *moan* *groan* Aaaaa.. " etc.. *laugh* dont think anyone else doing aerobics would make THAT much noise. *laugh* well, things always get crazy when the 3 of us get together. nothing to it.

went down to UHS again. this time to get my 24hr urine test thing done. Oooo... they found significant amt of protein. *cough* which means, my poor kidneys are not functioning very well. *wrinkles nose* i'm not devastated or anything.. maybe i will be once they've confirmed my kidneys have seid byebye. anyway, i have to do another follow up at the polyclinic soon. and another one 6 mths later etc. would -so- hate to go for body checkups and tests every 6mths but the doctor said it was neccesary. oh well *shrug*

*cough* its what.. 2 weeks before the exams..and i'm back to playing
utopia. this is bad. what's worse, i've started on
earth 2025.

tried to do last sem's stats paper yesterday.. it was horrible. could do only one question.. out of eleven. am i gonna flunk or am i gonna flunk? *cries*

*sighs* well, i haven't been online for quite a few days.. hence haven't exactly been visiting other ppl's blogs and stuff.. and normally when i come online, i get my work done then i go to my blog thing, then i go to lianne's and then jen's and irene's.. mostly in that order. but i'll always go to Lianne's blog first. and i just did. don't apologize Li. really. *sigh* erm.. i'm not gonna say anything much here. what makes you think i'm strong, li? haven't i always depended on ya for almost everything? nevermind.. i get what ya mean. maybe things will revert as closely back to normal as possible over time.. *wrinkles nose* say a couple of years down the road.

my stats test was horrible. i got my results. does the word "zilch" sound familiar?.. yeah.. *sniff*

alrite alrite.. so i have not really been updating my blog.. *sigh* can't help it ya know.. i HAVE been busy. stupid tests and all. plus i really need to work on the biodiversity project. Unfortch, i have yet to dig up any useful info.. Oh.. one more thing. i'm supposed to describe the silly pink orchid. how am i suppoed to get 200 words in? i mean. its pink and its got petals. how many words can THAT take? and it HAS to be approx 200 words. i managed a hundred. hope the rest of the group forgives me.

i'm so screwed for the upcoming stats exam. just look at what i've been scoring.. i've calculated the total of my 3 tests. they add up to 38%. that's it. i've flunked. and the biodiversity ain't any better. like i care what a dinomastigota is. *recalls* its.. under erm.. bacteria?.. no.. uh..sponges?.. oh wait. protoctista! yeah.. protoctista.. and under superphylum.. uh.. damn.see?. i'm gonna die..

*cough* just had my chemistry test this morn.. well, it turned out a lil better than expected.. at least i could do half the questions.. *grin* an ACHIEVEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *bounce* *bounce* *bounce* and *deflates into the chair* stats is tomorrow. its not gonna be pretty..

i was watching the news yesterday and there was this little report on the trees we always see around us. the ones that our government so painstakingly plant to make the place look nicer? yeah THOSE trees. and you know how there are always ppl triming the damn plants? apparently, some singaporean found some use for the "waste" parts that get cut off. SO now we have this factory that chops up all the waste wood and grind them into powder and pack them into "logs" sorta like reforming a proper log. its complicated. but anyway, they produce dry log-things and charcoal that are of better quality and can produce abt 3 times more heat than the ordinary stuff out there. exported to japan and european countries i think. making money too. and they dont even have to pay for the wood they use to make those stuff. i think its pretty cool. like recycling sorta. *nods*

so that's a little bit of useless information from me. *grin*

i'm getting quite worried.. i can never seem to be truely happy. i wonder if thats the case with everyone else. i laugh, sure. and appear to be in a general good mood half the time. but there's always this bit of me that's.. like.. sad?.. melancholic sorta. i don't know. truely truely happy moments seldom last more than say.. a couple of minutes. and there are really few of them too. i wonder if there is true happiness around. the lasting kind. guess not eh?.. actually, i dont even know what i'm talking about anymore. oh forget it.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." --
Socrates.

"If you never want to see a man again say, 'I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children'. They leave skid marks."

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of relationships in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril and they all stare riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

"Iron this."

hmm.. i seem to have a double post for the last few posts.. *blink* can't figure out why THAT happened. coz when i tried to post the 2 together, it said that my post was too long. wonder why they changed their minds about it.. *mutter* nevermind, i'll just delete it..

There hasn't been any progress regardingmy philo readings.. and honestly, i'm past caring. at least i'm done with my stats and chem.. or at least, i think so. perhaps i shall try an exam paper or 2 and see how much i can do. *shrug* most prolly not. but we'll see.

Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.


What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla


You do not know what you are


What kind of person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*beams* *hugs melvin* *beams*

*cough* erm.. heh.. just went for a nice back-treatment today.. courtesy of my dear melvin of course *beams* -HE- did facial *laugh* i chose the other treatment coz honestly, my back is worse off then my face. i wonder how one can have more zits on the back than on the face.. *wrinkles nose* It was weird coz we were in the same room and he was snickering when i was having the backrub *looks annoyed* but gosh.. the backrub was heavenly.. *sighs dreamily* then he asked if i wanted to get my hair cut at kimage.. *cough* didn't feel like it.. so i took a raincheck. man. i could get used to this. *mutter* melvin, be careful. i may just empty out your bank account. dont say i didn't warn ya. *smirk*

kay... uh.. i have been trying to catch up with whatever has been happening in philo class. coz i haven't been attending the past coupla lectures. *sigh* well, thing is, it doesn't really make a diff if i go.. i still won't understand a thing. now that i have looked the current readings, the "plato and socrates" section looks really easy now, for some weird and obscure reason. last essay for philo is due soon.. and i have only gone thru one reading out of 3 or 4. actually, a quarter of a reading out of 4.. *cringe* i started having headaches the minute i got to the second page. guess what the title of the reading is? "where does mathematics come from?" *whine* like i care..

i keep on telling myself not to blog about the war btwn US and iraq. coz everyone else is talking about it.. n my comments on it would be mediocre and unoriginal. i dont support it. and a pox on those who do. i mean, sure saddam oughta be spanked for all the bad stuff he did. war atrocities and nuclear weapon developments and what shit ( though i'm sure that's not the REAL reason for the silly little bloodshed they're having - its prolly just the oil.) but the civilians lives are at stake for goodness sake. i wonder when did the US suddenly took extra interest in the role of "the protector of humanity".. their "we are holy enough to eradicate evil" attitude is just a facade. someone should just resurrect socrates and get him to ask the US government to define "holiness" i'm sure they'll all get grey hair trying to define it. ~*refers to "meno" by plato*~ total BS. like do something USEFUL for once, instead of BS-ing all the time. *cough* of course, i forget, thats what most politicians do best.. either that or its the only thing they can do. ok. i'm not talking about this. it gets on my nerves. Its obvious countries like US, Japan, Australia ( no offence lianne) and etc, have idiots for leaders. what, is everyone so "in awe" of the US? *mutter* democracy has obviously gone out the window, along with the common sense of the pro-war leaders.

The Attraction Factor

Catherine, on a scale of 1-100, your attraction factor is 67!
How did we determine your attractiveness score? While you were taking the test, we measured your responses to questions on 5 attraction dimensions — appearance, attitude, body maintenance, energy and behavior.

Here's what we found out: While your overall attraction factor is 67, you are getting most noticed by others for your attitude.



You'd shoot them


How would you kill someone
brought to you by Quizilla


Goddess of the Moon. Beauty, yet a sadness lurks
about you at times. But hey, pain is beauty,
right?


What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla


You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You come from the Ocean. You've always been drawn
to the sea, the sound of the waves, the crystal
blue water, near the sea is where you belong.


Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

i finally got around to checking my exam timetable. *shudder* i am so dead. here's the score


21st april ------ (12.30pm) principles of spectroscopy
(4.30pm) reason and persuasion

24th april ------ (12.30pm) biodiversity

26th april ----- (8.30am) Japan and Singapore

30th april ----- (8.30am) probability and biostatistics

Its sooo spead out! i hate that. sure it gives me more time to study in between, but by the time i get my 3rd paper over and done with, i would not be bothered about studying already. and more studying at that pt in time would be useless anyway. *mutter* bloody exams.. *mutter*

Ooo.. and i bumped into amanda today. sorta saw her outside the long john's at jurong east. had a nice chat.. i suppose. nothing much.. but we're planning to go out on thurs. which is like, a bad decision i know.. with all that work that's piled up at the mo'.. but hell. we'll see how things go.

*blink* looks like its been AGES sincei last blogged. *cough* nothing much to say.. uh.. "cradle to the grave" sucks big time. the so-called action bits were actually the most boring.. i found myself rolling my eyes heavenward during the car-chase. There's this really good show called "just married".. looks promising. think i will catch it when it comes out.. uh.. kay.. i hafta run.. going to libing's room to get the philo reader.