I just read my posts back in 2004.. somehow.. life seems better.. back then.
was i happier? I think so..


/cry

Listening to: Dirait-On - In Accord

Seems like I only have time to post once a week :p

I simply refuse to comment on the latest NYP "scandal".. it's no big deal. *rolls eyes* not like someone was filmed murdering someone else. Geez. Conservative prudes. every single one of them.

Hmm. what else does that leave me to blog about?

Oh yes. The lil Johari thing. I finally went to do one up. apparently.. 50% think i'm HELPFUL (where the fuck did that come from?) and another 50% think I'm SENTIMENTAL. -_-'
and someone even thought I was dignified. *sniffs* now where did THAT come from..
So for those whom I didnt get to tell on msn, here's where you go: http://kevan.org/johari?name=cath_ong

*ponders*

I asked Veronica (my colleague) if it was worth it. All the late nights up, the working over the weekend.. i mean.. most of the people I know.. stop work after 6pm. but we're kinda "on call" practically 24 hours. KL (the manager) has the tendency to call you on Saturdays.. *wrinkles nose* I don't know. My workload aint as heavy as veronica's.. yet. and I seriously think i'd be leaving if it ever got that bad.. not worth the pay.

I'm considering giving my mother a call. to tell her something very important.



















"Mom? I want that 2 thousand bucks in my OCBC bank account to pay off my uni loan."




Think she'll give it to me? NAAAHHH.

Listening to: Nothing

It's another one of those "I have nothing to blog about, but i'd blog anyway" things.

Valentine's has come and gone. I spent the morning in a meeting.. then proceeded to spend the afternoon transcribing a long and dreary talk. After which I went home.. dialed melvin on skype and proceeded to continue with my work, while he play WoW. or DOTA. So it was one of those "we're on the line but not talking" situations. Then out of the blue, he said "Happy Valentine's.."
and I said "oh. Happy Valentine's dear." and that was that. A 2 second dedication to the day we call Vday.

I guess after that 4th year Anniversary, the Vday isnt as important. After all.. now I got 2 words (happy Valentine's) as opposed to 3 (Happy Anniversary dear). Maybe NEXT year.. he'll stop at "happy" and I get to finish his sentence for him before he goes back to playing games.

Listening to: A dream is a wish your heart makes - Cinderella

Daily routine: 6.30am - wake up
8.30am - Work
6.30pm - get off work
8.00pm - Shower and Dinner
9.oopm - check Email and wonder why ppl dont ever rest. (more work)
10.30pm - Bed

I went to get my Singpass password done today. checked how much I owed CPF for the Uni loan.
Accrued Interest as of 30/01/06 (or was it 31/01/06?) = S$986

FUCKING hell. I dont even have enough cash to play off the fucking interest. i hate my parents. for those who have their studies conveniently SPONSORED.. you have no idea how fucking lucky you are. you have NO EXCUSE to screw up.. esp when your parents pay for your education.

Esp those who have parents who send them overseas to study.. you have NO IDEA what its like to have a 20k++ debt on ur ass the minute you graduate.
one thousand fucking bucks for INTEREST. and its gonna fucking GROW. and dont tell me "pay it off quick". Do you think money grows on TREES? I havent even received my FIRST paycheck from my FIRST perm job. I have RENT to pay. I have BILLS. "pay it off quick" you say. why dont YOU pay for me huh? fucking useless "advice"..

I'm gonna be in DEBT for the next 8-10 years of my life.

Dont fucking bother me.

Listening to: Nothing

I had this conversation with a colleague today after I was told to look into publicizing the RP's move to Woodlands to the students.

Me: you know, we could just do a poster stand and put postcards so ppl can take..

Vivienne: Nah.. this is a paperless campus. We should try avoiding using paper whenever possible. Even like invites are sent via email and stuff. it's all e-invites, e-cards..

Me: okay.. since KL (the manager) said that email doesnt work.. and nor do posters.. and since you're setting up a booth for registration.. how about we tie that in with e-coupons they can redeem for things on that day itself?

Vivienne: Nah.. I've sorted that out. We're giving out coupons to those who sign up early.


Sooo my question is: What happened to your "paperless" campus?
If you can have your coupons, I sure as hell can have my postcards.

Listening to: Never let go - Josh Groban

I'm blogging for the sake of having SOME kind of update..
So i'm just gonna post a few buncha pics up.. some from the office christmas lunch.. some from the lil "farewell" they did for me. They were really sweet actually. Gave me this hella big card.


Bunch of us at the Christmas office lunch thing.

Taking photos in the hosp is such a bore.. all we have is white walls..

Taddaaaa.. last pic is me, showing off my nice and big card :p though I dont know why Sandy was waving in the background when I was opening the card..

Listening to: Nothing

OOo look.. 4th year anniversary.

what did I get? 3 words. "Happy anniversary dear"

I see how much effort it took to SAY those 3 words dear.
Thank you SOooooo much for LOVELY and MEMORABLE anniversary.

Celebrate it? Naaah... not needed. Gift? Oh Nooo.. its WRONG to expect something, afterall I shouldnt take things for granted.

And for you to say "I've exhausted my patience".. well.. yes.. dear i'm SORRY I actually EXPECTED something for our FOURTH anniversary. SUCH Audacity on MY part.

Listening to: One Last Cry - Brian McKnight

Let's deal with things one at a time. It's going to be another one of those "from work life to love life to game life" posts.

First, work.

(at this moment, YZ is msging me so forgive me if I sound distracted.. or if this part of the post sounds a lil fragmented)

where was I?

Right.. work. I handed in my resignation for the position at NUH last Friday. Reasons for that decision range from the impossible workload to the shitty treatment temp staff get.. and the lousy slave-labour pay. I think I've mentioned once.. that my work comes in boxes. one box a day.. with the exception of mondays.. I get 3 boxes on mondays (coz the hospital operates on weekends, in case no one noticed). so make that... 7 boxes for a 5-day work week. I'm too slow, I think. Coz I only manage to clear about half a box a day.. and it's extremely stressful to know that it's the 27th and I'm only clearing stuff on the 12th.

It's not worth 6 bucks an hour.

And the treatment.. *sigh*
Case No. 1: This girl was suddenly asked to leave. She received a call from the recruit agency telling her not to bother turning up for work the next day. No explainations, no warning. I went to ask around and finally got the reply that she was on her handphone too much, smsing and stuff.
The thing that didnt sit well with me was the "NO WARNING". I mean, if you find she's on the phone too much.. TELL her. So that she can cut down or something. or ASK her why she's on so much. For all you know, she was going thru a family crisis or something. But Noooo.. no such thing.

Case No. 2: This is even more ridiculous. One of the girls fell sick (she was the one replacing said girl in Case 1) and took 3 days of MC. Really really bad flu, I could hear on the phone. By the 3rd day, they sacked her, telling her they couldnt afford to wait for her to get well. I mean, it's not like she didn't want to come. It's not her fault she fell sick.. and she's only been at work for a week too.

Why should I stay? Why should I stay in a company that "professes warmth and care" when they treat their staff so callously? In the 3 weeks that I've worked there, they've changed staff for that particular position like 3 times. And something tells me it's not the staff that's screwy here.

Notice the stint I had at KKH was much more enjoyable and pleasant compared to the stinking hellhole called NUH. Maybe coz the ppl are nicer and are ACTUALLY considerate *Gasp*
For this "temp to perm" position I've just resigned from, ADIOS! Damn Hypocrites.

Now, Love life.

After 4 years of dating the same guy (I dont know if he even remembers when our anniversary is).. well..

THings grow old, ya know. And I find that.. the romance and passion have long evaporated, replaced by the mundane everyday life. I find myself expecting more out of the entire relationship.. and more than half the time, he just can't keep up.
To put it bluntly, things have grown boring. tiresome. and the only "color" that we see is the red haze of anger when we fight. and oh, do we fight. every other night.
It's not to say we don't love each other. Just.. you lose touch, sometimes. you dont feel the yearning to be together. come to think of it, you don't really miss each other as much. the other person is just.. well.. on the other side of the telephone line. Even the "I love you"s seem to be said more out of habit than really expressing how you feel.

*shrug*

(at this pt, he's prolly say something like "you love the attn dont you" or "such a attn seeker" or "stop being so melodramatic") - see what i mean?

Ok. Game life. Warning: you prolly wont understand half the terms.

I've more or less given up on my priest. She's NEVER gonna get to 60 =/ I simply dont have time for 2 characters. I'm more interested in playing my mage than priest anyway. And I dont relish doing BRD a gazillion times trying to do Emp/jailbreak/Incendius. I've also abandoned my warrior at lvl.. 8 i think.
which reminds me.. have to save leather gear for my brother. I keep forgetting.. God knows how much leather gear I've DE-ed.
Aniko's disappeared on me =(
And my guild seems to be coming apart. Note: I've noticed a pattern here.. no matter which guild I join, they seem to come apart in less than 2 months. I've been through about 4 guilds now.. been there, done that.. dismantled a guild, i'm THAT good. that sorta thing. *sigh*
Another note: Try to sound like a guy on ventrilo :p Comments from fellow guildies about sexy voice and the proceeding requests for phone numbers upset the boyfriend.
Honestly dear.. they were only teasing.. no need to /glare the poor ppl..

Anyway.. it's getting late. Midnight now.. I should go to bed, except I'm not sleepy.
Many thanks to Eugene and Tim for the calls a few days back. I'm fine now.. not gonna die anytime soon. And thanks to Andrew (you can just call me ya know, instead of asking poor Eugene to call).

Shimin, lunch sometime hun?

Alrite. Gotta end the post now. WEekend's gonna be tediousome. Lunch with grandma on Sat, then some other obligation on Sunday. Lovely.

Listening to: Pachelbel - Canon in D Major

Merry Christmas Ya'll

Listening to: Nothing

Well, guess what.. i'm sick again. Had a fever yesterday.. a steady 38.5 deg celsius. And was aching ALL over.. So i pretty much slept the entire day away.

Got better this morning. 37.4 degrees.. so I thought "what the hell.. I'll just head to work" Was half convinced that the fever will clear by the evening.

Then something really extraordinary happened. I went to the loo to pee. Looked in the toilet bowl.. FUCK... it was BRIGHT red. Aaaand... i wasn't having my period. now where did all that blood come from?

plus.. my fever just went back up to 38.0.... Sooo.. I guess it's another trip to the doctor's.. and a whole lotta hospital tests coming my way..
I think its the fever.. but maaaan.. which fever causes you to pee blood..

/sigh expenses.. rising.. again..

Listening to: Somewhere out there - Linda Rostadt & James Ingram

You know you're getting old when you prefer class95 to Perfect10 =/


Just got home from a lil class outing with Irene, Tim, Shimin, HuiJing, Yuchen, Serene, CK, Eugene, Jenny and KF (well technically speaking Jenny isnt from my class.. but she spent so much time hanging out with 00S21 that.. well.. she's practically family, that sorta thing. And KF.. was erm.. just there coz Jen was.)

HuiJing and Serene were the only punctual ones I think. Tim did a lil detour on the cab to pick Shimin and I up.. so we reached there at about 6.15.. (we were supposed to meet at 6..) Aaaanyway.. by the time CK reached, it was like 7.. =/ now we know who to tell we're meeting at 5 when it's supposed to be 6.

Because of certain LATECOMERS... dinner started only at like.. 7.30? 8? The fish and chips we had were.. alrite, i guess. It wasn't fantastic or anything, but it was cheap. After which, we dropped by TimB's new err.. boardgame place. It was apparently the opening night of his joint, so we dropped by and stayed to play an hour or so. the gaming was free :p Rene and I felt bad, so we decided to order more food..

erm. for those who dont know.. TimB = Choir Senior from NJC. Tim.. is well.. good old Tim.

We dropped by eskibar but there weren't seats.. pity. So we ended up in "the rest room".. as opposed to the "bed room" and .. some other "room" which I can't remember. And apparently.. one of Jen's friends was managing those bars... so we chilled there for.. awhile, I guess. More talk and gossip.

I didnt leave the bar plastered/high. for a change :p

Once again, thanks to Tim for sending me home.. I remember he once told me I should learn not to take certain things for granted. I assume the "sending home" is one of those things :P

I spent the night wondering about those I used to call "my best guy friends"..
And.. I cant help but feel it's pretty one-sided. It's like.. Mmm.. take Eugene for example. He was like.. my best guy friend in JC. I told him.. just abt everything.. shared thoughts.. fears.. and various confusing things in the life of a 17 year old. Looking back.. I think he just listened for most and tried to say whatever comforting words he could think of. I realize I know very little of him.. and for that 2 years.. I did nothing but.. talk. He's never really shared things with me.. so.. yeah.. like I said.. pretty one-sided. He once said that was not the case. That guys simply didnt blabber abt "unimportant" things like girls =/ whatever.

Come to think of it.. I wonder who I'm really close to now. I dont confide in ppl like I used to, I think. I talk about.. things that happened the last outing.. or what I did on my trip.. a lil of my worries maybe. But.. there simply isn't ANYONE I share everything now with. I wonder if that's what happens as you grow up. There isn't a "somebody" I call and cry to.. there isn't a "somebody" I think of immediately to call/tell when I'm feeling down or pissed.. Feels a lil weird sometimes.

It's 1.30am and I'm still wide awake. Don't really feel like playing.. I wish I could just.. pick up the phone and call someone .. to talk. Someone who.. understands. Then again, it's just wishful thinking. Chances are I'm going to stay in bed with my eyes closed, and find some place to bury whatever unpleasant thoughts/feelings I'm having.

And before this degenerates into a "self pitying" post.. I'm gonna remind Shimin: my hair treatment... bring it next week pls :p I TOLD you I'll forget abt it and you'll carry it home =/
So yeah, next week.

Night guys.

Listening to: Unchanged Melody - Air Supply

Well. I started working last Friday (for those who were wondering where I've disappeared to). Of ALL things, as an accounts assistant in NUH. It took me 3 days to clear one day's worth of discrepancies. *sigh* look at it this way.. they have about 60 cashiers.. and I have to deal with the discrepencies of daily collected amounts for ALL of them.. and you have no idea what kind of weird mistakes they make.. and when even $0.01 diff is impt (else you can't CLEAR the stupid thing from your system).. well.. yeah. So the work's piling and I'm not happy.

On a happier note: RP's offered me a position as a general admin officer. a perm job.. not the lousy temp ones I've been taking. And the pay isn't too shabby. I was expecting 1.8k or something.. but heh. they were feeling generous, I guess. Yes, it's not a very exciting job. and yes, I'd be bored outta my skull. But if they're offering 2k for a general admin job.. why not? right?

The huge drawback? They're moving to bloody WOODLANDS come April =/

I figure I'll whine and complain when the time comes, in the meantime... 2k per month pay, here I come..

(which reminds me.. 2 weeks notice to NUH must be sent soon)

Alrite, end of general update.

I'm gonna.. erm.. read a book or something.

As Aniko would say, "You are such a dork" :p

Listening to: A little too late - Tonya Mitchell

Thou Shalt Not Gamble ... yeah right

It's been quite awhile since I last blogged. Mainly coz nothing's been happening. I wake up, I play games, I go back to bed.
The appearance of this post doesn't mean/signify any change in my routine. It's Tuesday night, the servers are down and I don't feel like playing any of the other games I have installed.

I went to Genting, again. Last week. Have I mentioned?
Grandma enjoyed herself I think. We camped out at the casino. Grandma won about.. RM$360 the first night. I lost 100.. so she gave me part of her winnings to play with. By the next afternoon, I had grandma hooked on this lil game called mini dice.. I subsequently won 300.. and grandma won another 200. really exhilarating to put 10 bucks down and win 100 :p I swear I wanted to stop after winning 300 bucks.. but grandma moved to the taisai table.. =( and I didnt wanna just STAND there to watch her play.. I lost that 300 by dinner time. bleh. grandma lost her winnings too..
I guzzled alot of Milo after that. it's like "damn.. lost 300.. must drink milo." if i could, i would have drunk 300 bucks worth of milo *sulk*

Don't look at me weird. Grandma drank lotsa free coffee herself. *snicker*

Did I mention she woke me up at 6am that last morning there? She wanted to squeeze in 3 hours of playing before we had to leave at 9.30am *groan* I groggily lost another 100 that morning.

Grandma's a bad influence, yes she is :p

Thou Shalt Not Gamble ... unless tempted to

Listening to: Endless love - Diana Ross and Lionel Richie

Not sure what I want to blog abt really.. I can't sleep. I can't lie in bed w/o feeling how empty the room is. I've called 3 ppl today. First Lianne, then Eugene, then Tim.. all in a desperate attempt to.. well, talk to someone, I guess. To stop myself.. from.. mm.. feeling the way I do.
It's better now, i think. I've stopped crying (for the night, i hope). My nose is still stuffed tho.

Yet, I can't sleep.

The night feels so empty.

Listening to: Fool again - Westlife

Sent mel off in the morning.. rotting in WoW coz andy's doing MC and I'm not geared up for it. Dont feel like doing instances even though i SHOULD.. else I'd never get my gear for MC.

*sigh*

The prof hasnt replied my email so I reckon I'm jobless again. long story. no i didnt get fired.. the contract ended and we were waiting for another grant so I could continue working there.. but there was some admin problem and *sigh* long story. Anyway I was supposed to wait for his mail/call. which was supposed to come last week.

Such an odd feeling, Melvin gone again. we had lotsa fun the past 2 weeks, i guess. the room feels strangely empty and i'm feeling.. strange. I feel the need to munch to feel better but I dont really feel like eating. I feel the need to head out and DO something instead of just sitting here.. but I dont really feel like leaving the chair, much less the room.

I'd get used to it. just takes a day or 2.

And i'm back from Malaysia! (I mean.. if any of you noticed my absence for the past few days..)

I'm too tired to blog about it.. so i'm just gonna put a bunch of pictures and take you through what happened.

First picture:
2 sleepy heads on the coach. 7am, Sunday.















We arrive and immediately bought tickets to the theme park.
















And so we went on a few rollercoaster rides.. took pictures with a donkey.. went go-karting.. got splashed at the plume ride.. etc etc













Next day, we took the cable car down to the awana horse ranch.. for a lil horse riding. Then back up and more rides at the theme park. That evening was spent at the casino with Melvin explaining the different games to me. I saw ppl putting down STACKS of casino chip things (I used the term tokens.. and was politely informed that "tokens" were for arcades :p and "chips" was the term for casinos..) well forgive me!... first time in a casino and all.. *grumbles abt damn smokers* Stay long enough in the casino (air choked full of carsinogens.. pun intended) and you'll get lung cancer due to passive smoking *wrinkles nose* I had to wash my hair AGAIN after stepping in there.














So anyhow, the NEXT day was spent at KL.. shopping! This picture was taken at the Pudu Raya Bus Terminal.. just before we headed back up.. Note: I have a new pair of sunglasses!
My feet were aching so bad that Melvin gave them a nice lil massage on the bus trip back to Genting. *happy grin*













And of course there are MANY other pictures.. Just don't think it's a good idea to post all 60 odd up =/ your browser will take -forever- to load :p I'm going to bed.. sooo tired after all that walk. plus.. I may just convince Melvin to gimme another foot massage. :p

Listening to: Remember when it rained - Josh Groban

*smiles to self* I've never had someone drag himself out of bed in the middle of the night to get me a drink coz I woke up and complained about being thirsty. I'm going to have a splendid time the next 2 weeks I reckon, now that Melvin's back.

Dear Melvin,
I'm sorry for pillow hogging.

(pity the guy. i had like 3 or 4 and he only had 1)


Aaanyway... I'm gonna crash *yawn* Tiring day at work.. spent the ENTIRE day.. literally 8.30 to 6pm.. doing data entry. Why? coz I made so many mistakes I had to redo the whole lot in the afternoon. *sigh* standard curves.. standard curves. bloody formulae.. *sighs*

Listening to: Fly me to the moon - Frank Sinatra

In case there are some of you who havent seen my latest msn pic,
here it is. A very drugged mouse :p


Adorable isnt it?

Listening to: Some Deejay prattling on Power98

I read 2 romance novels yesterday. *cringe* too much. too much. Put me in a sappy mood.. and I reckon it'll stay like that for the rest of the day.
Of course, the question would be: why did I borrow them ANYWAY..
Not sure really.. couldnt find any good books at the library and those 2 books caught my eye.

The first book was called "A Class Apart".. about how a "middle class girl" settled for a "working class guy" and how their very different upbringing and values were wrecking their marriage. Then again, the story starts itself 10 years into their marriage.. where the stuff that attracted them to each other are now the reasons for their fights. Then she bumps into her rich-and-sexy exboyfriend and erm.. things get sticky. I found it interesting coz.. well coz it isnt the typical "girl meets boy then they kiss (or screw) and get married" kind of story. Kinda makes you wonder how your parents and grandparents managed to survive living together for 10 or 20 years =/

The 2nd book was called "Goddess of the Sea". I took it off the shelves on a whim really.. there were mermaids and merman involved.. so I was like "Ooo.. i'll take a look at this" Aaanyway.. the story's abt this girl called CC who works at the airforce. It was her birthday and she was.. alone coz her parents AND her best friend forgot about it. So in a bout of depression she drank 2 bottles of champagne and got high enough to do rather crazy things. She went to look for an old book her best friend bought for her. It was one of those commercial spell/ritual books. She looked up Gaea(sp?) and did this ritual to call for the goddess' attention while she wished for magic in her life. The next day, she departed on some expedition thing in a helicopter and her assigned seat was the "propeller" seat.. meaning.. if was where the propeller would slice into the heli if there was an emergency. of course, the person sitting there would die.. but such situations didnt happen much.

Aaaanyway, this cute guy exchanges seats with her coz she looked absolutely terrified when she was informed like 5 minutes before take off. Needless to say.. something DID happen, The guy gets half his head sliced off and they crashed into the ocean. Something unusual happened (not gonna say what.. too complicated) and she found herself in the body of a mermaid (who exchanged bodies with her to escape from the kingdom). To cut a long story short, Gaea the Goddess was responsible and aids CC in getting used to the water kingdom. There's the bad guy, of course. A crazed merman who wanted to marry the mermaid.. And there's our lead called Dylan (I've decided.. if I ever have a son, i'll call him dylan) who is another merman. Anyhow, to escape from the crazed merman (called Sephe.. something) Gaea casts some spell which allowed CC to be a human. only she had to return to the sea every 3 nights, else she'd die etc. she would be permanently human if she managed to find true love on the land. Soo.. we have a handsome knight in shining armor who "rescues" her when he finds her washed up ashore. But this chauvinistic prick wasnt our girl's type.. Sides she's kinda in love with dylan. so she petitioned to Gaea and said she didnt exactly want to be human.. and with Dylan saying stuff like "i'll wait for all eternity" .. which girl can resist?

To cut an extremely long story short, the crazy merman was out to kill dylan for "snatchin his girl", so to speak. With Gaea's interference, he was on the verge of failure.. so he kinda decided that if he couldnt have her, no one else would. So he throws this spear thing at her.. which our Dylan (*sighs*) intercepts and dies in the process. With the bad guy dead (I cant remember how he died. I think another God killed him.. Gaea's erm.. lover? I think).. As I was saying, with the bad guy dead, Gaea gives CC a choice.. CC could return to her realm or stay with the gods. And she could choose whether she wanted her memory of her time in the realm erased. So she figured it was too painful to stay there, but at the same time she didnt want to forget Dylan. So she got transported back to the time just after the crash.. She rescues the guy's body (remember he got half his head sliced off for offering to exchange seats) and they find that he was still alive.. She goes back to her normal life.. only she finds that she misses the water and would swim every night coz it calms her. A year after that whole "incident", she was swimming when she heard a voice call her from the edge of the pool. It was the guy whose head was half sliced off. She said Hi.. and asked if he would wait for her while she got out of the pool and dried off before she talked to him. that was when he said "I'll wait for all eternity" and at that point I was like "OMG OMG!" Apparently, Gaea placed his soul in the dude's body.. that guy's soul had vacated the body anyway, so it was a simple replacement. He took so long to heal , that was why he couldnt come to her before.

There. Happy Ending.

How come I dont have a guy who is willing to take a spear in the chest for me? (prolly coz of the lack of bambi eyes and long legs..)

Listening to: Nothing

They keep pigs in the animal house! I saw this HUGE ASS pink pig.. along with piglets. *squeals* so ADORABLE~! I want that one *points to piglet*

Shimin and I were talking abt children today. I was telling her how much I hated those annoying brats and she was doing the "it'll be different if it's your own" speech. I mean I can hardly tolerate my cousins.. I even scolded a man the other day coz .. Hmm. ok.. THAT story.. you see.. I was kinda out with my aunt and she was talking to me so she was facing me slightly (i.e not looking straight) when this little girl (prolly abt 4) dashed outta nowhere and collided with her. that kid's dad just stood there.. arms folded and tutted at my aunt while my aunt APOLOGIZED. I GLARED at the s.o.b and told him off. I said it in chinese.. but the approx translation is "Don't blame others when you don't know how to look after your own kid" what an obnoxious prick. If your child bumps into someone else.. as a parent, it's YOUR responsibility to apologize on the child's behalf (coz you obviously didnt teach your kid manners.. then again, if you didnt teach it, chances are YOUR parents didnt teach YOU manners).. he just stood that and made the "tsk" sound.. NO ONE treats ME or MY family that way and gets away with it. I would have said more.. except if I did, the impact of that sentence would be lost.. sides I needed a grand exit as well as to steer my aunt away, before she bloody apologizes for MY behaviour.

Anyway.. that was a week or 2 back.

Complaint No. 2 .. fucking arseholes SHOVING me to get on the damn bus. I elbowed one today. hard. and made sure I stomped down on a foot. Look, I dont get rough unless I get shoved first, ya hear? Damn pricks. All the gentlemen in Singapore have died/migrated, leaving the undesirable, the rude and the chauvinistic. *growls*
I hope they get gengrene and their balls fall off. *growls*

Moral of the story: Don't step on my toes.

Listening to: Missing you - Ger

I wish I had something interesting to type. Can't help it if nothing happens tho.
I go work.. I come back. I go to work.. I come back.

*sigh*

Things aren't that great job-wise.. I still can't figure out what the hell I wanna do with the rest of my life. I like lab well enough.. but research is too muddy a field. Yet I don't want to do routine lab stuff =/ Customer service sounds kinda fun. But I'm likely to yell or make some snide remark at the 10th complaint. or less. Admin is boring. and I don't do sales. nah-uh.

I'll happily send in an application to be a tai-tai though. Life long dream of mine :p

*sigh*

I moved my computer over to Mel's today.. with Eugene's help. It was a lil dusty so I wiped it.. and reminded myself to clear the trash in the comp.

Melvin: Have you cleaned the computer yet?
Me: *looks confused* Err.. yeeeeaaahh..
Melvin: How?
Me: Errr... with a cloth?
Melvin: !@)*(&$">!@)*(&$)&!@!
Me: ?
Melvin: *mutters under breath* With a cloth.. I mean your files Dear! have you cleaned them up?!
Me: Oh.

Melvin and I operate on different frequencies.

Listening to: Basket Case - Green Day

My eardrums just gave way I think *wince* Forgot to adjust the volume and the headset was at max.

Good News No. 1: I've started at NUS and even though it's tiring work.. It is, for now, manageable. (And I do love grossing Melvin out with stories about various dissections and blood withdrawals etc) We'll see what happens in 2 month's time.

Good News No. 2: I'm getting my PASSPORT on Saaaaaaturday *happy dance*

Good News No. 3: In relation to Good News No. 1, Working in a lab means you snack less (in fact, you don't snack at all).. this will be good news for my diminishing waistline. - This is due to my hourly pantry raids at KKH :p

Good News No. 4:

*pause*

Naah. only 3 good news. Life's never kind enough to let you hit number 4.

Bad News No 1: I now have to get up at 6.45am

Bad News No 2: Majority of the Lab ppl are from China (you have no idea how horrible that is. I find myself talking like them by the end of the day.. and I spend the day trying to understand what they're trying to tell me.. research in Chinese. NOT good)

Bad News No 3: I now have less time to WoW

Bad News No 4: I get home at 8pm now

Bad News No 5: I now have less time to WoW

Bad News No 6: NU-ass .. 'nuff said

Bad News No 7: Have I mentioned? I now have less time to WoW

Gonna crash. Legs ache. Urgh. I do not want to see another mouse lung. or spleen. or heart. or thymus. erm. you get the picture.

Listening to: Nothing (forgot to bring my cds to the office again)

It's my last day here at the extremely slack job at KKH :p No more trolling in the WoW forums.. no more msn msger the entire day.. but hell.. if it means better pay (think twice of what I'm earning now) .. I damn well get used to doing stuff to earn my living..

I hope I dont forget to close the lid of the PCR machine ( like Meng did..)

Another sign telling me that I play too much -

Melvin: How much money do you have?
Me: Err.. not sure.. I could log in and check.. about 90 gold I think.
Melvin: -_-' irl dear. (for those who don't know, irl = in real life)
Me: Oh

We had a good laugh about that one (which is rare coz all we do lately is fight)
Then laughed again when Melvin did this stupid thing in-game (Leap off a cliff with a parachute - but the parachute timer went out and he went splat) It was really funny.. coz we were on skype.. he was going "Whheeee!!!..... oh SHIT!" Andy and I couldnt stop laughing. Esp when Andy and I "survived" the leap while Melvin had to be scraped off the floor.

Priceless.

Listening to: Jie Shou - Liang Jing Ru

I saw an old lady selling charity tickets outside Raffles City today. *pause*
Everyone I saw walked past her.. some made sure they walked far away from where she was standing. For some reason, I walked up to her and stopped there, waiting for her to ask me to buy whatever she was selling (which she did, of course) I wasn't even interested in listening to her sales pitch. I remember thinking "Charity ticket things don't cost that much.." as I walked up to her. She didnt even get to say 3 sentences when I interrupted and asked her how much it was. "5 dollars," she said. I didn't have change, so I gave her a ten. She asked if I would like to get 2 of them.. to which I apologized, and said I had rent to pay today (speaking of which.. i forgot.. much pay tomorrow). And we started talking, I guess. She asked where I was from (assumed I was a foreigner - coz i had rent to pay) Then she shook my hand and told me her name (Lilian) and that she was from Penang. After which she started heaping praises on me which made me really uncomfortable. There was a.. genuine feel about that lady. She was.. very nice. I was just smiling politely and cringing inwardly for she had a "God bless" injected into every 2 sentences or so. But other than that, she really was alrite for an old lady selling charity tickets. Then again, assuming she isn't a cheat, anyone who willingly stands there to raise money for some charity, can't be that bad. Plus she was a retiree.. and.. well.. bah. at that moment, I had the word "softie" in neon lights and capital letters flashing above my head. I think if I hadn't been in a rush, she would have suggested we go grab coffee or something *shudders a lil*
But really, she was.. nice. and for some reason, I was surprised. Coz it's hard to meet someone and feel the damn "sincerity" oozing out from their pores, if ya get what i mean.

ah well.

Getting off the shuttle to the hospital, this old couple walked in front of me. It took me awhile, but I recognized them. I had seen them before last week. And it was the same thing.. they walked holding hands. The lady said something to her husband and he laughed. And.. it was all very sweet. There was something youthful about them, even though they were obviously in their 70s. A certain.. happiness. Contentment. about themshelves. about their life. Of course, I wouldnt know for sure. But it was .. a passing feeling of bliss, watching them. Thinking that when I hit that age, if I do, it would be wonderful to still have the other half with ya. To laugh at something he says. To walk together holding hands.

(of course, on hindsight, they were either a) visiting a patient or b)have doc appointments themshelves.. so things ain't THAT rosy.)

But they seemed.. content.
I wonder if I ever will be.

Geez, what's with all the old ppl today.

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want. And that's marriage - with the right person. You're serious about settling down some time soon. Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Listening to: Xiu Xiu Xiu - Ocean

Last night = BEST birthday bash I've ever had

I had arranged to meet Jen at orchard last night for dinner at Jack's place. We were supposed to meet at Taka Library coz I needed to borrow/return books. We arrived at the same time :p which was a very good start.

Now, I had to explain that I was in one of my depressive pits before I went to meet Jen. Was, in fact, half tempted to cancel coz I was so.. tired. I cheered up when I saw her though (mainly coz she was on time. haha) Nah. it was the way we "met" I was entering the lift when I heard her call my name :p so coincidental.

And guess what! "OMG CK!" (he walked in behind Jen) surprise surprise. I think Jen asked if he had dinner and he said no. So we dragged him along.
Then Tim came to the library to look for us coz I had asked Jen to check if he was free. So he "teleported" down. LOL. nah. he took a cab to meet us.
So I was.. relatively happy. And we all left the library to head to Jack's Place.
Only to bump into Shimin at the lift. I kinda entered the lift and didnt pay attn to who was in there. but Jen squealed.. so it was then i realized min was there :p
Soo.. we trooped down to Jack's Place and I was telling Jen it was wonderful coz our "2-person outing" became a party of 5. Then Min said something about her meeting Meng (that's why she was there, she said)

Soo.. my expected table for 2, became a table for 6 :p
Dinner was fun. I had the bloody (literally) steak I was craving for. It was good steak.. unlike that rubber-imitating-steak at Cafe Cartel. Min and Meng were having totally different conversations from the rest of the table at some point.. while the rest of us were talking abt a certain prof with a really weird name ( I will not say it here. but it was the butt of jokes the rest of the night), Min and Meng were talking about Meng's German supervisor :p and certain stuff about seeing half naked guys from her lab (it overlooks a rehab centre apparently)
Midway through dinner, Meng told me it was all planned. That life, honestly, isn't as coincidental as I thought it was. :p Jen had arranged for them to be at certain spots of orchard! *hugs jen* though it didnt happen exactly as she had planned it ( I was supposed to bump into Min at taka, THEN into CK and Tim at Paragon) Tim was like "Ohh, that was my station?" I laughed. but all was well coz it truely was coincidental the way we bumped into each other, ya get what I mean.
And they all wrote nice lil short birthday notes to me *dances* except Tim's was more like a composition/essay *laugh*
And Jen and Min got me a lil ting that said "I'm not fat, I'm fluffy" *laugh* ok, that's so me.

They got me a slice of Tiramisu (another surprise) and I thank the 2 of them for not getting the restaurant to play the cheesey birthday song (honestly, ppl with violent tendencies cannot listen to that song! *shudder*)

Made a wish, blew out the candle.. including the candle on the table :p
Then we trotted down to Acid Bar.. decided it was too drab after a drink.. and hopped over to Dubs.
They doused me with a burning waterfall. Then I had 3 shots of oatmeal raisin cookie *yum* and surprisingly I didnt even feel high. So we had a few more drinks here and there (Tim was egging me on.. he was! "if you drink this, i'll drink it with you" he said) We left at.. 12.30am?

I totally overdid it =( a cocktail, a burning waterfall and 7 shooters. no joke. Thank goodness I didnt accept Tim's offer of a flaming lumbo. *groan* I was telling Tim, never again. I left the pub and threw up in the cab. Tim stayed with me all the way and I've never been more grateful for his presence. Eternal gratitude for taking care of me last night :p

A million thanks to Jenny for arranging it all *hugs*
A thousand thanks to Tim for being my cab partner once again and making sure I was safe home (even though I now live on the other side of the country)
A million apologies to Tim for last night =/ No more Tequila. If I ever say I want some EVER again, knock me unconcious to stop me or something.
And many MANY thanks to CK, Meng and Min for coming. and apologies to CK (he was our credit card person) for burning your credit this month man. I hope your dad doesnt yell at you.

Let's do this again soon. with less alcohol :p
Thanks guys!

Pics/Vids at Jen's blog! go see go see!

You scored as Libra. You get along best with the sign of Libra. Altough Librans may appears as fickle, or indecisive, they are wonderful friends to have. Librans constantly strive for balance; they do their best to make sure life runs smoothly and fairly for everyone. They are considerate, tactful, loving people. Who could posibly resist a Libran's charm =D ?? They are lovers of art and beauty. The only problem with Librans is that they can be very clingy and dependent upon others at times. Aries 80% Libra 80% Taurus 75% Gemini 70% Aquarius 60% Cancer 55% Leo 55% Virgo 55% Pisces 55% Capricorn 40% Sagittarius 35% Scorpio 35% What sign of the Zodiac are you meant for? created with QuizFarm.com

Listening to: Breathe - Blu Cantrell Feat. Sean Paul

I've noticed that I don't talk about Melvin all that much anymore. be it on the blog, or in my daily life. *ponders* Sometimes I wonder why it turned out to be this way. When you read blogs, there would be regular mentions of the "other half", so to speak.

It's not like you don't see his name at all. He just doesnt get mentioned.. much. His name pops up sporadically at the weirdest, most insignificant bits.

We had a conversation just now where he had me in tears in less than 5 minutes (which he apologized for) and promptly made up for it in less than 10 by making me laugh so hard, my sides ached.

And perhaps he is right. We complement each other rather well, but we simply, somehow, can't seem to communicate with each other. He, being afraid of how I'd react to certain things, chooses to keep certain stuff from me. Not lying per se.. more like conscious omittance of certain information. Or choosing to say stuff a certain way so i don't "take things the wrong way". And when I DO find out the bare truth, all hell breaks loose. Then I react by purposely omitting certain information myself. tit-for-tat. childish, yes. he says it's lame reasoning, but hey. That's the way I operate, mister. Anyhow, things then snowball to a point whereby we subconsciously dance around the main problem and never really TELL each other stuff.

Then Melvin will play the role of a brave fool and try to tackle the problem.

So far so good. I haven't clobbered him yet. And he hasn't lost his voice by spending an hour trying to get ONE point through. He IS long-winded =( what he spends an hour going on and on about, I can summarize in one sentence.

Our conversations are mostly like this:

Melvin: "blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah Blah blah.."

Me: *eyes glaze over* "hold up. what you mean is blah and blah"

Melvin: *pause* yeah.

Me :*sigh*

*laugh* that naggiest guy alive, i'd bet.
God. how come I can be so annoyed with him at times, and feel/act like a complete sap at others?..
How can 2 ppl, so OBVIOUSLY not suited for each other (be it values, family background or personalities), be in bloody love?

life's a big fucking freakshow.

Listening to: Josh Groban - My Confession

Note to self: Need new songs.

Note to Jen: Send pls

Note to KF: where's that Twins song you said you'd help me get?

Note to Lianne: I want an SMU scholarship toooo.. (yeah RIGHT. if I ever get something like that, you can be certain the world's screwed over thrice)

Note to Marc: Be a Man *laughs* do the right fing! i.e. talk to her!

Note to Fongky: Thanks man( girl, whatever). for the talk.

Note to Jeremy: :p you remembered!

The good news is --> I've landed (begged/cajoled/charmed/batted eyelashes) myself into something remotely related to lab. One of the NUS profs is willing to take me in for a lil bit of training, at minimal pay. Part Time. ( all the better :p free time)

The Bad news --> only until October cause the "extra" grant money lasts only till then.

Even worse news --> I don't even know what i'm jumping into EXACTLY. For all you know, I'd be begging to head back to admin work after a week.

I like science. i DO. it's just.. research itself.. ya know. doesn't exactly.. suit my tastes. Come on guys, I'm like the laziest person on earth. Work just aint my cuppa tea. and the only reason why i don't want to do admin is coz it's soo.. "O"level, if ya get what I mean. I didnt spend 3 years in Uni to take a O level job .. ya know. But overall, admin isn't THAT bad. it's brainless and suited for lazy ppl like me.

Somehow, research just sounds better (which is a very lame reason for wanting that job). and yes, I dont have passion for it. Nor do I -really- want a PhD. Most PhD holders have screwy brains which I will nvr understand. they are of the intellectuals, I am not. so I will nvr fit in.
The prof did say there isnt much pt in doing lab work unless you want to get a PhD and draw lotsa money a month. okay, so she didnt say anything abt the money.. I was thinking it tho :p

I'm not the kind who would hand my life over to work. therefore, research isnt the way to go.
But hey, it's an opportunity! so i'm gonna give it a shot. and prolly end up taking some part-time marketing/business course as well (i'm gonna have to look at course fees.. class times.. "sponsorship" *giggles*)

Even more upheaval in my life. great.

Listening to: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star - Kai

It's amazing how songs flood you with memories. Both pleasant and painful. This particular song reminds me of.. innocence. It's not the children's version of twinkle twinkle ( I'll assume not everyone has heard it - even though Lianne prolly grinning/cringing at the mo'. She's heard that one more than her fair share)

Yeah *sigh*

Dates back to the time when I stayed with Grandma in Ghim Moh and didn't quite have a computer. Melvin would play that song for me on his comp while I held onto the phone.. and slowly drifted off to sleep (except the times when he tried to sing along - too busy giggling to sleep). But then, that was more than 3 years ago. How things change.

We had another one of our "heavy conversations" just now. And until this point in time, I wasn't sure if I wanted to post the details at all. Granted I was the one to bring it up, but.. *wrinkles nose* nevermind. It is not of importance. Not on the blog at any rate.

We grow up. To be very different from what we envision ourshelves to be. Often, we grow to be exactly what we swore we wouldnt turn out to be like. Ironies of life. Can't escape it.

Anyhow, my nose is still bugging me. It's not runny.. rather.. it chooses to get really mucky and stuffed at approximately 11.15pm every night. Sooo, I spend 15 minutes blowing my nose.. sleep for 45.. and wake up to blow my nose again. Been 2 or 3 nights now. I'm ready to throw myself in front of a bus to end my torture.

I'm really enjoying myself at Mel's place at any rate. Peace and Quiet. Something I haven't had in years.
I think I may move out as soon as I get a perm job. I don't see myself staying longer than neccesary.

I know this post may not seem very coherent. It's really a few topics just jumbled up together. Shimin, if you ever read this, let me know if you will be in school Wednesday afternoon. I'll be dropping by at about 2.30pm. Maybe we can grab something to munch or something. not science canteen. *shudder* we -could- go to that coffee place at Med Fac though. we'll see how it goes.

Jen, see you on Friday.

Listening to: Nothing

Marc msged yesterday and said something about me not posting much anymore.
Thing is, nothing interesting has been happening, even though I sometimes wonder if I should post about my daily thoughts. The silly thing is, I think alot, on the bus. on the way to work normally. About life in general and what the hell am I gonna do about my life. And sometimes, I feel like I have to blog about it. Yet by the time i DO get home.. it's all evaporated and I can no longer remember my morning musings :p

( I was telling marc maybe I should post EVERYDAY. it would go something like this -- 1. Went to work. 2. Came back, played WoW)

As it is, I'm all sick today. it's a full-blown flu. Fever, runny nose, aches and all. AND i can feel a sorethroat coming up. I left work at 4pm coz I couldnt hold up. Am wondering if I should head to work tomorrow. I mean.. i'm paid by the hour.. Sooo... I guess I better go huh. My cash is tight enough as it is.

URGH. I've degenerated into one of those boring bloggers who have nothing even mildly interesting to post about. Then again, I've degenerated into real life.

Spent 50 bucks on a webcam which turned out better than my Creative one ( which DIED on me 3 days ago). Then last night, the fan kinda.. protested really loudly when I switched it on, so Aunt Diana carted this cooler/humidifer thing into my room and the air coming from it smelt.. moldy. I let it pass, and I'm tempted to blame the cooler for my flu. God knows how many microbes I've inhaled from that thing. but she washed the filter for me this afternoon so the air should be smelling clean ( I HOPE so at any rate. Can't really smell anything at this point). Many thanks to Aunt Diana for cleaning the filter, of course.

i'm soo.. woozy. damn flu tab. gonna.. g..on..na...Zzzzzzz....

Listening to: Nothing

*yawn* a quick blog/rant here about something most of you wouldn't understand so just ignore it.

DAMNIT! Wwwwhhhhyyyy.... why must they nerf Will Of The Forsaken! Wwwwhhyy.. like an instant 5sec resist is gonna be useful. URGH. I want my 20sec WoTF back! *grumble* switch to Undead and Blizzard does this to me.

Mages still omgwtfpwn.

Like i said. ignore this.

Listening to: Eternal Love - Ant & Dec

The ceremony wasn't as torturous as I thought it would be. Grabbed a few people here and there to take pics.. Fongky came, and that was the highlight of the night! Thanks a billion for the chocolates ( i polished them off that very night, in fact)

I won't post the pics I took ( nor the vid) simply because I'm lazy :p
Buuuutt... I reckon Jen will post SOME on HER site, so just hop over and take a look at the pics we took together with Tim and Irene at the Esplanade on Saturday afternoon.

I just splurged 50bucks on this hair product from Korea. Grossly overpriced, and I'm not even sure how good it is. Yet, I'm way too lazy to head to Sasa to get that Loreal one I REALLY want ( that one is only 30 bucks I think).. I reckon it's cheap ( the korean one) coz its like 50 bucks for 1 damn litre. ah well, we'll see how it goes. If i don't like it, I'll offer to share it with one of the China boys staying next door so i can finish it up quick and buy that Loreal one.

Tiring weekend. Worked on friday.. rushed to convocation on friday night.. rushed to the airport to get Glenn ( yay! finally!)... woke up.. had breakfast.. rushed to Esplanade to meet Jen and company ( except Jen only really arrived at 2pm - 2 hours after the stipulated meeting time)
Took pictures.. melted in the Sun.. then we went to watch this Korean show called Wet dreams 2. Totally.. LAME. "what's an erection?" God. only for ppl interested in pre-pub girls. I think it's really amusing that the male lead supposedly farts everytime he gets an erection tho. must be very traumatizing.. *laugh* He's never gonna get a girl in bed that way.

Sunday Morning was spent looking for cheap bargains.. ( 8 bucks. 2 tops and a skirt. ) Nothing fantastic. regular clothes, ya know.

Anyhow, i'm finally back in my room, and reeaaaally exhausted.
I think I'll go lie down some.

Feeling: Disillusioned

I haven't posted in detail for a long time now. Partly because I simply cannot find the time to, Partly because I cannot deal with the curveballs life has thrown me so far.

Melvin, in his fustration, suggested that I should not post at all as my posts lately don't seem to make much sense.

How do I sum up what the past 2 weeks have been like for me?

I have been and still am, unsuccessful in finding a lab-based job. Every email, letter and fax I send out have been.. unanswered.
The one interview I was granted, was only because Fongky recommended it. And that, I flunked miserably. I'm tempted to tell myself that I underperformed at the interview because I had popped flu tabs and therefore, was drowsy and not in my best state of mind. Yet it doesnt matter what excuses or reasoning I come up with. I fouled up a good opportunity in the worst way possible and that is the reality of it.

I'm faced with a very high possibility that I'll be stuck with an admin job that 'O' lvl students can do for the rest of my life, and THAT is the reality of it.

Tonight is convocation night. Not a night of anticipation. Not a night of release. It is, but a night I dread. Feels like I'm standing at the edge of the cliff, about to step be pushed off, screaming and plummetting into unknown depths. Convocation Night. And not a job to my name.

Things are even worse, family wise.

Esp when you find out that your very own grandmother, dotes on you not simply because you are her eldest grandchild. But because she sees you as a meal ticket. The only graduate among all her grandchildren.

How do I explain, this feeling of betrayal? Many cannot imagine. Melvin couldn't. I made him see my family for what it was. and it's not a pretty sight. How do I explain to outsiders, that my family, does not do things out of love per se. That unless, the person has something to gain ( either immediately or in future), it's unlikely that you'd receive any help at all.
How do I explain the feeling of.. disjointedness. The need for denial. The need to tell myself it's one big nightmare, and that when I wake up, everything will be back to the way it was.

I was, the most naive of all the grandchildren. How come she doted on me, and ONLY me? It was only after I got my results, that I knew the answer.

Now, I owe my "current status of success" to her, a few of my aunts and uncles etc. And they can't wait to pick the flesh off my bones and take what is due to them. I'm the trophy of this generation, for them to display and boast about. That I owe my so-called success to them.

Suddenly, I'm beginning to understand why sometimes, Mom acted the way she did. And it scared me, simply because I can see why. As I begin to understand abit more of the one person I've always hated, the more I fear I would, someday, end up to be like her after all.

How on earth my world became so warped, I do not know.

New fears now.. staying with Mel's parents. Who knows where that path may lead?

On a slightly happier note, I had a good laugh just now when Dr Shaw was gleefully pointing out mistakes made some other organization made on some brochure. "spelling mistake! Look.. why is this bit of the para hanging out like that" She's horrible *laugh*

Oh, and there is this guy with one of the worst names possible ( I had the "pleasure" of typing a draft mail to him few days back) - Michael D. Wank
I snorted and pitied him. Bad enough your last name is wank ( he's not english I think.. it's german/dutch or something), but when your middle name starts with a D... Maaaan. what were his parents thinking.

*sigh* back to work before the doc notices me slacking off.

Listening to: Melvin

I did something very domesticated today. I went grocery shopping!

*waits for the fainted to revive*

Then i met Irene and Jenny and we had MOS.

And i took the wrong train home :( and only realized it when I reached Bishan

And i'm tired, and hot and I think i need another shower.

*sigh* what a day.

Listening to: Nothing

barely 72 hours after spending 150 on my hair and REBONDING it, it's gone back to its original waves. A tamer sort of wave, but it's obviously still there.

My hair has too much personality for its own good.

Listening to: Melvin talking

Met Jen, Tim and Sean at HV today.

EEEEEEEEEEvEryone arrived late.

Tim got there at 7.. Jen got there at 7.30.. Sean had the sudden urge to go to church before coming to have beer *rolls eyes* so he came at nine-ish.

I GOT THERE AT 6.30! the time we were supposed to MEET.

Had subway for dinner.. Tim and I shared a foot long SUb. then Jen came and had a 6 foot.
err. 6inch.

Then we went to Siem Reap and had beer. I started off with wine. had hoegarden, then finished off with lovepotion.

Tim and Sean shared a cock sucking cowboy :p
and then shared a burning waterfall. The gay couple. :p

Jen had errr...... omg (!bilay) *laugh*
erm. she had i cant remember what she had.

ok. i was woozy. then jen and I had ICE CREEEAAAAAMMMMM

Then i came back. and i'm woozy again.

Wooooozzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Listening to: Xing Guang You Le Yuan - Twins

omg, another chinese song.

Am very amused by Alph's nick.
When I took a glance at the Msn Msger window to see who was online, this nick caught my eye.
"Yes I have switched to Men"
I ran my mouse over the nick and thought "Alph? gay? *laugh*"
I opened the chat window to ask him.. only to realize the FULL sentence was "Yes I have switched to Menthol"
Needless to say, I told him abt it and he promptly changed the nick.

I'm never going to talk to the girls in the office anymore. Leaves me more jaded than anything else. Such a materialistic, hypocritical, REALISTIC world, with no place for dreams.

HweeIm said Singapore isn't a place for dreamers. The government promotes arts/culture blah blah. But even if you dream to be some artiste, the reality of life itself makes it almost impossible. "Life goes on, you need to eat. you need a roof over your head. You need to survive. you don't live on dreams. Who knows how long you'd take to be successful? you'll die of starvation before your so-called dream comes true"

I guess, to an extent, it's true. You can't put everything on hold just coz of your "dreams"
She said she wanted to be an air stewardess. Her mom objected, along with the rest of the family, for whatever reason. She couldnt just go "fuck it" and leave.
So now she's stuck with a job she finds no satisfaction doing, and gets by each day, just to survive.

She asked me why I was still in S'pore, when Mel's in Sydney. I told her about passport problems and that.. I couldn't leave everything here and just.. go, ya know. I don't have relevant job exp, I'm not exactly financially stable. In other words, I'm not particularly interested in jumping off a cliff just to see how long it'll take to reach the bottom.

Sad Fact is: you lose touch with your dreams as you plow along. you forget what it is to truely live.

*sigh* I'm gonna avoid talking to the office girls. Ya know, they're not much older than I am.. maybe 5 or 6 years diff.. yet.. I look at them, and .. *sigh* Can someone just kill me now and get it over with? I'm not particularly interested in slow death.

On a happier note..

*pause*

I still have a job. so i have income.

And that's just about as "happy" the note can get.

Listening to: Jie Shou - Liang Jing Ru

This song.. sings to me. for some reason or other.
I'm currently ignoring Melvin's msges on Msn and not answering his calls *shrug*

We've been fighting more than usual. I somehow manage to blow my top every single day. *shrug*

My schedule has been such:

7.00am - Wake up and shower
7.30am - Leave the house
8.30am - Start work
5.30pm - Get off work
6.30pm - Dinner and shower
7.30pm - WoW
12.00am - Sleep

Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

I forget to add - Stalk the WoW forums while in the office.. posting every 10 minutes or so, complaining to Bronxx, Dobby, Chong, Simette and Dozo that i'm dying of boredom.
As well as declare my everlasting adoration to Layout who plowed into me 5 times last night at Stromgarde, with me standing there in awe and terror while he killed me in 2 hits or so.
I didnt mind dying by his HUGE axe.. <3 layout!

Fuck i'm psycho.

Tagged from Lianne:

Total volume of music on my computer: 5.30 gb ( Lost alot when I reformatted recently)

The last CD I bought: Some Josh Groban CD. Can't remember the title.

Song playing: Funeral Song - The Rasmus

Twenty songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

1) Funeral Song - The Rasmus
2) Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit
3) Obviously - McFly
4) Per te - Josh Groban
5) Promise me - Beverly Craven
6) Whole Again - Atomic Kitten
7) Missing you - Ger
8) Remember when it rained - Josh Groban
9) Non ti scordar di me - Russel Watson
10) Ta Hai Shi Bu Dong - S.H.E
11) Ta He Ta De Gu Shi - Elva
12) Where did the feeling go - Selena
13) I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace
14) One Last Cry - Brian McKnight
15) The Show Must Go On - Queen
16) It Must Have Been Love - Roxette
17) I'm Just a Kid - Simple Plan
18) Boys and Girls - Good Charlotte
19) Let Me Be Your Wings - From Thumbelina *grins at Lianne*
20) Zhen Shi - A*Mei

I think I'm supposed to pass it to 5 people, but honestly, i DON'T have 5 ppl to pass it to.. so yeah.

Listening to: nothing

Results are out. As follows -

- Human Physiology A-
- Protein structure and Function B
- Molecular Basis of Human Diseases B+

Do not even -think- for one second that I love you no longer. Do that and you'll have me finding the nearest hard object to throw at you. I love you. Live with it and save up for a nice sparkly. ( I dare not say I'd get that sparkly in the end, but you'd need to save up for one anyway.. so let's just pretend its for me. )

*yawn* Sleepy.
I'm feeling abit better. But my thoughts and feelings for the past few days still stand true. I just don't feel the need to vent anymore.

*headache* gonna go to bed.

p/s: I called Mom.

"Hi mom. i'm working at KK"
"ok"
"ok bye"

*rolls eyes*

Someone to Watch Over Me (1926) - Gershwin

There's a saying old Says that love is blind

Still we're often told, "Seek and ye shall find."

So I'm going to seek

A certain lad I've had in mind.

Looking everywhere,

Haven't found him yet;

He's the big affair I cannot forget.

Only man I ever

Think of with regret.

I'd like to add his initials to my monogram.

Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb.

There's a somebody I'm longing to see

I hope that he

Turns out to be

Someone who'll watch over me.

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood.

I know I could Always be good

To one who'll watch over me.

Although he may not be the man some

Girls think of as handsome

To my heart he carries the key.

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed -

Follow my lead - Oh! How I need

Someone to watch over me.

Someone to watch over me.

Listening to: Funeral Song - The Rasmus

What happens when you realize that you can no longer relate to the ppl or persons that you used to get along so well with?

I know by this point in time, I'm starting to become one of those ppl that whine endlessly about seemingly nothing at all. Yet.. it's a very odd phase in life, I must say. I'm torn in all sorts of directions.

My friends, finding it harder and harder to relate to and talk to you. Our time is taken up by too many other trivial matters. When I talk to my friends, I could be talking to complete strangers for all I know. Just a complete stranger with a familiar face. Perhaps the fault is my own. For I'm too caught up in my fantasy world of games and books. So I can avoid talking to ppl whom I thought I knew well. I do not have any close friends. Not anymore.

My boyfriend, tells me there are stuff that I can think about, but never mention. So I've given up on talking to him. I don't even share my fears and thoughts with him anymore. Don't see the point. Not like he'd understand anyway. I used to tell him whenever I get a passing feeling or thought. None of that foolishness now. No.. no more of that foolishness.

Maybe that's how my mother turned out the way she is. Maybe she just realized that there wasnt really any point to all this social pompishness.

I need to find someone I can talk to. I can REALLY talk to. and who can understand.
I would call eugene. or tim. and get disappointed coz they'd nvr be the person i'm truely looking for. I would try and talk to Melvin and give up after 3 minutes or so. I'd even try to talk to KF, Elaine, Shimin. No. No use. There is still this disatisfaction. This need. This need, that I havent felt in years. Melvin came along and I thought.. I was ok already.. I've finally found someone whom I can really confide in and talk to. Well.. time changes everything. So now, I wonder what I'm supposed to do as the disatisfaction sets in.

My "lol" and "*grin*" and '*laughs*' online.. well.. *shrug* you dont really think i'm laughing or even vaguely smiling, do you?

When will I be happy again?

Listening to: Xiu Xiu Xiu - Ocean

If any of you have been faithfully checking this place for updates, I apologize for not updating lately.
So many things have happened, yet nothing has really happened. Nothing drastic, of course. Just.. *taps head with finger* up in here. Been trying to sort out my thoughts without much success. Maybe I simply can't find time to really sit down and figure what it is that I really want.

The exam results will be coming out soon. End of May I believe. It's been one of those "What the heck am I supposed to do NOW..."
I don't really know what kinda job i want to take up. I only say I want to do lab because it's the only thing i'm familiar with, so it's safe ground, ya know. but other than that, I don't have.. a passion. it's sad when you're on the bus, on the way to work, and you ask yourself "what do I really like.. what is it that i really want to do?" and your own answer is "nothing. I do not know."
I don't want to settle for something just because there really isn't anything else that can be done.
Yet, maybe, that's what happens to all the other working adults. Perhaps they once had dreams. they had stuff they wanted to do. stuff which they once told themshelves "If I dont do this, I havent really lived" then after a few years.. they started to lose touch with their initial dreams, tied down by the realities of life. They live day by day, a ritual, a habit. They wake up, go the work, come home, do a lil bit of housework, watch a lil tv and head to bed. Everyday. Weekends are spent grocery shopping and cleaning up the house.

A part of me is screaming in fear. In protest. This wasn't how i envisioned life to be! If this is indeed what faces me in the near future - a family with 2.5 kids in a 5 room flat, double income, office jobs etc. Then this life isn't worth living. I haven't enjoyed life yet. I'm not ready to grow up. I haven't experienced all the things I want to see, to touch, to feel. I don't want to be trapped in that cycle that most ppl seem to be stuck in.
Yet we all know, that's what I'm gonna have to settle for in the end anyway.

I died in my dreams, what's that supposed to mean?

Got lost in the fire

I died in my dreams reaching out for your hand.

Listening to: Bizarre Love Triangle - Frente

Job Venue: KK hospital
Working for: Dr Shaw

Sounds Impressive?... Suuuuure... until you get to job scope

Job Scope: Administrative assistant.

Bah.
at least it's in a hospital.
But Dr Shaw is nice. so it's alrite.
and its only temporary. so.. yeah.

Had to write some "formal" letter today to some company.. started off with "we regret to inform you.." *laugh* I tell you.. such a RUSH writing that, esp coz i'm the one on the receiving end most of the time..

WAahahaha

Listening to: Melvin complaining about his nose ( he walked into a glass door.. *snickers*)

Had a fairly civil conversation with my mom an hour ago. it lasted less than 2 minutes and it was prolly because she had ppl around and she couldnt say anything rude ( trust me, she's called me a bitch.. then again, i've called her one too. to her face of course ). The shock *gasps* a civil conversation with my mother! *giggles* she's alrite, in very teensy doses. very very VERY teensy weeny doses.

Poor Melvin walked into a glass door.. *smirks* I don't know whether to laugh at him, or to feel sorry for him coz it's all swollen and it's been hurting since yesterday. You have to admit it IS funny though. I wish I was there to witness it. *laughs*

My mage is already at level 27 ( after 10days of intense playing ).. *bounce* Oh, I get ganked by hordes all the time. only one kill to my name :( takes me like 5 tries to get to a city in a contested area coz i get die THAT many times travelling from one city to another. terribly annoying. I attached myself to one of the more prominent guilds - Lvl60 PvP ones.. not too bad *beams* considering I was invited by that guild more than once, i gave in and joined. I bet they invited only coz i was leveling fast enough.

Other than all the misc stuff, I've sent a total of.. *ponders* 5 resumes out. one every 2 days. not too bad already.

Aaanyway... i'm gonna head back to.. ya know. *wave* taaaa.

Listening to: Butterfly *laugh* ( *sings* I'm searching for a man, all across japan ) wtf.

I swear I didnt download this.

Anyway. I went to gym with Jen just now.. strolled a lil on the treadmill, played with the stair-climbing thing.. and Jen continued on while i just whined that my socks were wet ( it was raining when we were walking to the gym)

Anyway, Thanks Dear. My dearest, sweetest, most considerate, sensitive Melvin *beams*

( of course i'm saying this coz he got me WoW AND he's paying for subscription)
*flutters eyelashes at Melvin*

Listening to : A Chance with You - Ger

*pause* My exams are over. I should be exhilarated. but i'm not.

Today's paper went VERY well. I could do 98% of the MCQ questions. AND just about all the essay type questions. AND i scored an A for the project.

*cries* WHY?

WHy did i put pass/fail for a module that could have helped me get my merit? WHHhhhhyyyy?

My core modules all sucked. I'd be getting Cs i think. and the ONLY modules that could have helped me are the marketing (which was today) and soci ( which was fairly easy too btw)

WHhhhyyy? *cries*

Normally ppl curse coz they didnt know how to do the paper.. today, with each question i could do, i was going "fuck. gimme a difficult one.. so i can go "thank god i put pass/fail".. but Noooo all the questions were EASY.. *cries*

This could have helped so much.

Listening to: Missing you - Ger

Sometimes.. sometimes it's just easier to put the blame on others for something that is so obviously your own fault.

"I had wanted things to be THIS way.. BUt Nooo.. he wanted it THAT way.. so we ended up doing things HIS way and everything just screwed"

But have you ever realized if you had stood by what you thought was right, all this wouldn't have happened.. and you could very well be saying smugly "I told you so.." instead of "You $*#_!%^% idiot! this is ALL YOUR FAULT!"

So technically speaking, it aint really the other guy's fault, but kinda your own fault as well.. for giving in.

I'm babbling again. forgive me.

Really odd thoughts to be entering my head while studying the advertising process for marketing..

On another note, I wish you would just stop giving excuses and show some results for a change. Almost doesnt cut it. "I'm trying" doesnt cut it either. I'm sorry it has to be this way. *shrug* Such is life.

Listening to: Open Arms - Colin Raye

Lying beside you, here in the dark

Feeling your heart beat with mine

Softly you whisper, you're so sincere

How could our love be so blind

We sailed on together

We drifted apart

And here you are by my side

So now I come to you, with open arms

Nothing to hide, believe what I say

So here I am with open arms

Hoping you'll see what your love means to me

Open arms

Living without you, living alone

This empty house seems so cold

Wanting to hold you, wanting you near

How much I wanted you home

But now that you've come back

Turned night into day

I need you to stay.

Listening to: Karma - Alicia Keys

Ever had a paper so bad that you wanted to leave the exam hall midway thru?

I had that on Monday.

Ever had a paper so bad you had to flip to the cover page to see if they gave you the right paper?

I had that on Monday.

Ever had a paper so bad you could only do 1/8th of it?

I had that on Monday.

Ever had a paper so bad you left the exam hall fighting back tears?

I had that today.

Ever had a paper so bad that all you needed was a drink and some company after that?

I had that today.

But there was no company available.

Thanks dear. for just about everything. I mean.. esp just now.. *pause* yeah. I needed that.. *cries* I miss you.. this is still all your fault..

Listening to: I won't change you - Sophie Ellis Bextor

I used to change my accent, change my stance
My phone number, the way I dance
Some people change lovers like they change their sheets
But I won't change you honey, you're for keeps

I used to think I had to change the way I am
To feel better, to get a man
But once I stopped trying I fell for you
You fell for me so I'll stay the same for you

Oh yeah I know that I'm not perfect baby
Oh yeah it's no reason to go crazy
Oh yeah boy you can always count on me
For better or for worse I will always put you first

Now that I have found you
You've changed my life
Cos you're the one who showed me
I have everything right
We're never gonna differ cos we know it's true
So don't change me and I won't change you

I used to change my style like I changed my mind
I tried to change a tyre but I'm not that way inclined
Tried to change my figure my diet too
I'll still change my underwear if that's O.K with you
But after seeing you I know that here is best

Oh yeah the world can sometimes make you feel bad
Oh yeah but don't forget the things you have
Oh yeah boy you can always count on me
In sickness and in health baby always be yourself

For someone who's supposed to be busy studying, I sure am doing lotsa weird stuff tonight. Played with my camera. Here's what i Took. Yes, just one pic of myself in an old shirt, my hair bundled up. really messy. at 1am in the morning. i look like a boy [-_-]

Listening to: Sometimes love just aint enough - Don Henley and Patty Smyth

Am in the process of d/ling Damien Rice - The Blower's daughter. Thanks to fongky for the intro to that song *beams* ( go see the nice link on her blog ) I like the vid somewhat.

Been camping in the library the past few days.. I should still be reading my protein structure and function .. was supposed to finish reading it today but i'm on chapter 3 out of like 13. *sighs* and i have to start on physio else i'd die for monday's paper.
Have to thank Tim for the company for the past few days. And I told him today that i would announce to everyone - Tim Tan is the Devil's Advocate! I swear it's true! He keeps tempting me to do stuff i don't really want to do! He keeps asking "are you suurre?" I'll resist, then whimper and whine and give into temptation eventually. Like... yesterday. I really didnt want that expresso double.. ended up sharing with him and suffered for a few hours coz i couldnt sleep. and he's always waving chocolates in front of me! BAD! what's worse, he'll offer to buy me chocolates.. how can i refuse?! *mumbles*

Oh and here's a pic of my scribblings in the library yesterday. Tim was suitably impressed and we decided to take a picture of it.

And i feel like putting lyrics up again. I realize i keep putting the same lyrics up over and over.. maybe because sometimes, it strikes me how much sense these songs make. Then I'd keep putting the same lyrics up coz i only listen to a few selected songs *sighs*

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,

and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.

There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.

Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you,

I don't want to blame you.

Baby, you don't have to take the fall.

Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.

Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.

And like a fool who will never see the truth,

I keep thinking something's gonna change.

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much

,and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.

There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.

Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Listening to: Welcome to my life - Simple Plan

Exam starts coming Monday. Desperately trying to grasp whatever concentration and drive I have. Been calling Yaomin like 3 times a day.. "Yao Miiiinn... don't understaaaandd! explain explain!" then we'd spend 15 minutes bitching about Dr Matt Whiteman before hanging up. It's good therapy. *laugh*

Am estastic coz Melvin's sending me WoW after my exams! *dances* Woot! Thanks alot dear *beams* I STILL don't think it's a good idea for you to play during term time though.. we'll sort that one out soon methinks.

Studied with jeremy today.. except he wasnt like there with me half the time.. he kept running off to print stuff and he didnt even read a set of notes.. so maybe the politically correct phrase would be "Jeremy accompanied me to study today".. I wangled sweets out of him ( oh right, Melvin, what's this I hear from Jeremy about you telling him that you pamper me too much?.. I mean, I don't disagree.. but still. )

Need a diet. Jeremy, that's it. Gym. after exams. you're coming! "mai tu liao" Muahaha. picked that one up from you man.

Listening to: Melvin muttering about memory transformation.

In marketing tutorial, 12pm today. this took place.

Dennis Kwok ( the tutor): Now, lets move onto the next question. Who read the case study?

Me: *busy scribbling something from the previous question* *raises hand briefly w/o looking up*

Dennis: and Who Didn't read the case study?

Me: *looks at tongdee, who raised his hand*

Dennis: *looks at me* well, since you're the only person in class who read the question, tell us more about the case..

Me: Shit.. I shouldn't have raised.. Ooops.. did i say that out loud? *flush* ( Tong dee was snickering at this point )

Dennis: *looks at me expectantly*

Me: Uhhh..

Dennis: well.. is pricing her problem here? ( that was the case study)

Me: *blabbers something about market targetting*

Dennis: Mm.. true true, but it's not her main problem *flashes the answer on the screen*

Me: *relieved sigh*

Listening to: Where Did the Feeling go? - Selena

*laughs* I'm only posting this in response to your blog. Note: i Didn't get LOST in school.. i just couldnt find my LT that's all *denial denial*

There was a make-up lecture at LT30.. *pause* I dont even know how to type this out! So bloody embarassing, this is. I'm in my LAST semester in University, and BAH.. alrite. Lemme try again *laugh*

Module: Molecular Basis of Human Diseases
Make-up Venue: LT30
Time: 2.00pm

I walked to block S16, thinking LT30 was there... but Noo.. it was Lt31.. AND opposite it was LT 33 and 34.. so I started calling ppl who were in the same class.. called like 6 people but NO ONE answered their phones. It was drizzling mind you.. and I was getting rather annoyed.. walking around in the rain and all. THank GOODNESS i saw KF after wandering around for 15 minutes ( and half toying with the idea of skipping that lecture ).. he went to help me check and called to tell me "it's somewhere between MD1 and MD2" And i was like thinking "But that's the med faculty.."

Anyway. It took me another 15 minutes to find that blasted LT and I only walked in at 2.30pm ( to find that the lecture hasnt started yet coz the poor lecturer couldnt find the switch for the mic *laugh*) - for more info, read Ruby's blog.

Yes. Go on. Rub it in. Final year student. still can't find her lecture threatres. *grouses*